Feeling powerful in a relationship appears to benefit both you and your partner

Feeling powerful within a romantic relationship is associated with a more satisfying and active sex life, according to new research published in The Journal of Sex Research. The findings suggest that individuals who feel they can influence their partners report higher levels of sexual satisfaction, motivation, and assertiveness. This positive association extends to partners as well, indicating that power dynamics in relationships are not necessarily a competition where one person’s gain is another’s loss.

Psychologists define power in romantic contexts as the ability to influence a partner and ensure one’s own wishes, needs, and goals are fulfilled. While previous psychological research has established that feeling powerful can change how people think and behave, often boosting confidence and goal-directed behavior, there has been limited investigation into how specific types of power influence the sexual domain of couples.

“We know about how structural, work-related power relates to sexual attitudes, but we know relatively little about how power within romantic relationships shapes sexuality,” said study author Robert Körner of the Department of Psychology at the University of Bamberg.

“This gap is important to address because relationship power typically matters more for relationship outcomes than, for example, power at work, socioeconomic status, or other related variables. Moreover, we aimed to illuminate not only how an actor’s power shapes their own sexual thoughts and behaviors, but also how a partner’s power relates to the actor’s sexual thoughts and behaviors.”

“Actor power” is a person’s own sense of influence, while “partner power” is the degree of influence a partner is perceived to have. The researchers also examined “desired power,” which is the specific wish to have control over a partner. By separating these concepts, the researchers aimed to see if simply wanting power yields different sexual outcomes than actually possessing it. They also aimed to move beyond one-time surveys by looking at how power and sex interact in daily life.

The research team began with an initial study involving 147 individuals currently in romantic relationships. Participants were recruited through email lists and word-of-mouth advertising in Germany. They completed online surveys assessing their sense of power and various aspects of their sexuality. The survey included items asking participants to rate their agreement with statements regarding their ability to get their partner to listen to them.

The data from this first study showed that those who felt they had more influence in their relationship reported greater sexual satisfaction. They also reported higher motivation to be sexually active and greater confidence in expressing their sexual desires. This provided a preliminary baseline suggesting that personal empowerment translates into positive sexual experiences.

To understand how these dynamics play out between two people, the second study recruited 287 heterosexual couples. Both partners independently answered questions about their perceived influence and sexual experiences. This design allowed the researchers to analyze how one person’s sense of power affected their partner. The researchers utilized the “Personal Sense of Power Scale” and the “Multidimensional Sexuality Questionnaire.”

The results from the couples confirmed the initial findings regarding personal power and sexual benefits. Individuals with high “actor power” consistently reported better sexual outcomes. Additionally, the study revealed that having a powerful partner was associated with higher sexual satisfaction for the other person. This suggests that being with an influential partner does not diminish one’s own sexual enjoyment and may actually enhance it.

The researchers expanded their scope in the third study to include 96 LGBTQ couples. This step was taken to see if the connections between power and sexuality generalize beyond heterosexual norms. The measures and procedures were similar to the previous study, involving independent online surveys for both partners. The sample included gay, lesbian, bisexual, and other sexual minority participants.

The analysis indicated that the benefits of feeling powerful were largely consistent regardless of sexual orientation. For LGBTQ participants, feeling influential was linked to higher sexual satisfaction and assertiveness. However, the link between a partner’s power and one’s own sexual motivation was less consistent in this group compared to heterosexual couples. This implies that while the internal experience of power is universally beneficial, the interplay between partners may have slight variations depending on relationship type.

The final study employed a daily diary method to capture fluctuations in power and sex over time. For two weeks, 106 participants received daily emails asking them to report their feelings of power and sexual experiences for that day. This approach allowed the scientists to see if feeling more powerful on a specific day predicted better sexual outcomes on that same day. This method reduces memory bias and captures the immediate effects of relationship dynamics.

The data showed that daily spikes in feeling powerful corresponded with increases in sexual satisfaction, motivation, and assertiveness. On days when participants felt they had more influence than usual, they were happier with their sex lives. This effect was observed within individuals, meaning it tracked personal changes over time rather than just comparing different people to each other.

“Higher relationship power was associated with greater sexual satisfaction, stronger sexual motivation, and greater sexual assertiveness,” Körner told PsyPost. “In other words, individuals who experienced more influence and control in their relationship were more sexually satisfied, reported a stronger desire for sex, and were better able to express and assert their sexual desires.”

“In addition, the partners of individuals with higher power were also more sexually satisfied. Thus, feeling powerful in a relationship appears to be important for sexual outcomes and can enhance not only one’s own sexual satisfaction but also that of one’s partner. These findings have important implications for sexual well-being and sexual health more broadly.”

The findings indicate that power in relationships is not a zero-sum game. “One partner feeling powerful does not necessarily imply that the other partner feels powerless,” Körner explained. “In fact, both partners can feel powerful—or powerless—at the same time. Accordingly, an important goal for couples may be to create relationship dynamics in which both partners experience power, meaning that both are able to have their needs and goals fulfilled.”

It is likely that having a powerful partner means that partner is better at communicating needs and initiating intimacy. This clarity and confidence can make sexual interactions smoother and more enjoyable for the other person. When both partners feel they can influence the relationship, it may foster an environment of mutual respect and satisfaction.

“Our findings largely replicated across four studies,” Körner noted. “This pattern held regardless of whether power was measured as a stable sense of power or as a momentary state (assessed via a daily diary design). In addition, there were hardly any differences between women and men, and only partial differences between heterosexual and LGBTQ individuals, suggesting that the effects are relatively robust across groups.”

Surprisingly, wanting control over a partner was not consistently linked to positive or negative sexual outcomes. This suggests that the aspiration for power is psychologically distinct from the actual experience of having influence. People who crave power do not necessarily have better or worse sex lives than those who do not, which stands in contrast to the positive effects of actually possessing influence.

“Although prior research has linked the power motive to rather negative interpersonal outcomes, we found that it did not predict sexual outcomes in our studies,” Körner told PsyPost.

While the study identifies strong associations, it cannot prove the direction of cause and effect. It is possible that having a satisfying sex life makes people feel more empowered in their relationship, rather than the other way around. A positive sexual encounter might boost a person’s confidence and sense of influence for the rest of the day. Future research using experimental designs would be needed to establish causality definitively.

The participants were recruited from Germany, a Western culture that generally values autonomy and egalitarianism. The way power dynamics function in more traditional or collectivist cultures might differ. In cultures with more rigid gender roles or hierarchical relationship norms, the link between personal power and sexual satisfaction could manifest differently.

Another potential limitation is the reliance on self-report measures. While standard in this field, self-reports can be subject to social desirability bias. Participants might overstate their power or sexual satisfaction. However, the use of partner reports and daily diaries helps to mitigate some of these concerns by providing multiple data points.

There is a potential misinterpretation that these findings encourage dominance. The authors clarify that “power” in this context is about the ability to influence and get needs met, not about dominating or controlling a partner against their will. The fact that partner power also predicts satisfaction suggests a cooperative dynamic rather than a domineering one.

“We aim to continue studying how power shapes romantic relationships, including sexual outcomes,” Körner said. “In one ongoing project, we examine how structural and subjective power relate to the orgasm gap (i.e., women’s lower orgasm frequency compared to men). In another project, we investigate how relationship power relates to romantic jealousy.”

The study, “Power and Sexuality: Associations of Experienced and Desired Power with Sexual Aspects of Couples’ Lives,” was authored by Robert Körner and Astrid Schütz.