The majority of older adults do not agree that companionship is more important in a long-term relationship than intimate sexual activity.
For a substantial portion of older singles in their 60s to early 80s, a romantic partnership that lacks sexually intimate contact is viewed as less than a complete relationship. In some cases, it falls short of even meeting the definition of romance for some participants.
Lauren Harris, a Human Development and Family Studies Assistant Professor at the University of New Hampshire, found that “The majority of participants expressed a desire for and a need for sexual intimacy in a relationship. Participants frequently expressed that a non-sexual relationship appeared to be more like a friendship than anything else. Therefore, they stated that romantic partnerships would be incomplete without sexual intimacy.”
The findings of this study were published in the Journal of Sex Research and provided insights into single older adults’ opinions about intimacy, dating, and desire.
C. Melanson and Lauren Harris conducted interviews with one hundred heterosexual adults aged 60–83 years old who were actively involved in online dating services. Fifty men and fifty women comprised the sample, and the majority of respondents resided in the Northeastern United States.
Throughout the course of these interviews, there was a strong and pervasive message reflected in participants’ views on sexual intimacy in romantic partnerships.
Ninety-seven percent of the responding participants stated that sexual intimacy was important to a relationship. Approximately 74 respondents stated they would not even consider dating someone who was not open to the idea of having sexual relations.
The interviewees used a variety of ways to express their thoughts about how sexual intimacy plays a critical role in maintaining a successful romantic relationship.
Carl, 60, said, “Sex is important to my relationship. If it’s not important to you, then we probably won’t have a relationship.”
Angela, 73, said something similar. “No sex means no relationship. So, what’s the point of having a relationship without sex?”
A number of participants pointed out that without a physical connection, a partnership would basically be a friendship.
“You can still have friends without being sexually involved with them,” said Angela. However, because intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship, Angela stated that “intimacy must be a part of every relationship.”
The attitudes of these participants reflect the changing demographics of older adults in the United States.
As indicated by the 2020 Census, there are now more single older adults in the United States than ever before. In 2022, there were approximately 23.7 million older adult singles aged 65 and older, compared to 19.5 million in 2016.
More extended life spans, becoming widowed, and higher divorce rates have influenced how older partners interact and develop relationships later in life. As a consequence, the number of divorces in America among individuals over the age of 50 doubled between 1990 and 2015. The number of divorces among older adults aged 65 and older tripled during the same period compared to 1990.
As a result, there are now many more single older adults than in previous generations. “They could potentially be single for the next 30 years,” said Harris. “This makes it important to change the way we view relationships and partnering.”
One of the most popular methods for finding a potential partner for older adults is the use of dating websites.
Participants in the study were recruited from four online dating services. Typically, study participants were interviewed for approximately two hours between June and December 2020.
Many older individuals still want intimacy even after they have lost their ability to have sex. The majority of people interviewed about sexuality expressed that problems associated with aging can often be overcome.
While male respondents frequently brought up erectile dysfunction, female respondents usually talked about menopause and its related problems, such as dryness and loss of libido.
However, neither men nor women viewed these issues as an impediment to relationships.
Bonnie, who is 63 years old, stated that “E.D.” is just a part of getting older. However, she said she would have a problem if a partner was not willing to do anything about it, such as taking a prescription drug.
According to Bonnie, “Most men will experience difficulty maintaining an erection after age 50. That’s just the way it is. If he doesn’t want to find out what he can take to help him, then I’m done with him.”
Others shared similar points of view.
At 74 years old, Rhonda looked back on her previous relationship and saw that they had issues regarding sexual function. However, she said they were not so serious that they could not be solved. She stated, “There were problems. Since we were not in our 20’s, there were some problems, but they were problems we could manage.”
Respondents expressed an openness to discussing alternatives.
Some participants mentioned taking medications such as Viagra. Others suggested hormone replacement therapy, lubrication, or changing expectations about how sex occurs later in life.
For many, the willingness to compromise or adapt was the most significant factor.
The body’s needs may change, but a couple can continue to be intimate.
It was noted that many of the older adults participating in the study did not expect to be as sexually active, both in frequency and intensity, as they were in previous decades. However, they still believed in maintaining a connection with each other.
According to Howard, 62, intimacy helps keep couples together emotionally.
One participant said that an individual seeking a potential partner must have some form of intimacy. He continued by saying, “You may not be intimate with someone every single time you meet them, but you need to maintain some kind of intimacy to keep the relationship flowing.”
Some participants reported being comfortable with a slower pace in their intimate relationships.
Carla, age 61, noted that in her last relationship there was less frequent sexual activity between them. She said it occurred only two or three times when they got together. “We simply enjoyed our companionship and all we shared.”
Harvey, age 63, also appreciated the reduced number of sexual encounters. He said it made the excitement more sporadic and therefore more enticing. “When I do it less often, it is like I have a newfound excitement.”
There were also multiple references to other forms of intimacy beyond sexual intercourse.
Participants acknowledged that other forms of closeness were significant as well.
These forms of intimacy included kissing, touching, and other gestures of affectionate closeness.
While older adults are still interested in having intimate relationships, they may not have as many opportunities because of the limited number of available partners.
Older adults encounter what researchers refer to as a “thin” dating market for relationships. Women often experience a shortage of potential partners because men tend to die earlier than women.
By the time a woman reaches the age of 64, the ratio of single women to single men is nearly double.
The gap continues to widen with age. By age 75, the ratio rises to more than two and a half single women for every single man.
This imbalance affects sexual engagement and activity among older adults.
Earlier research indicates that only 22 percent of single older men had sexual activity in the prior year. Only 4 percent of single older women reported sexual activity during the same period.
Despite these disparities, participants expressed some level of optimism about finding a partner.
Rather than focusing only on barriers, many participants spoke about what they hoped for in future relationships.
The results of this research challenge historically accepted beliefs that people lose interest in sexual intimacy as they age.
Although past studies have indicated a strong interest in continued sexual intimacy and physical connection later in life, stereotypes still persist. Many assume that older individuals lose interest in romance and intimacy.
Researchers argue that these stereotypes can make it harder for older adults to form romantic relationships.
Such assumptions may discourage individuals from pursuing relationships. They may also discourage people from having open conversations with their doctors about sexual health.
Participants in this study were aware of these societal expectations, but they did not accept them.
They viewed aging as a time to make adjustments rather than a time to retreat from intimacy.
Even with the natural decline in physical capacity, the importance of intimacy continues to exist.
This study also encourages more open discussion about sexual health among older adults.
Rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) have increased among older adults in recent years. However, many healthcare providers and patients remain reluctant to discuss sexual activity.
Healthcare providers should consider the sexual health needs of patients aged 60 and older in the same way they address the needs of other adults.
This research also supports the idea that intimacy involves both emotional and physical connection. As people age, the desire for intimacy continues to remain an important part of romantic relationships.
Research findings are available online in the Journal of Sex Research.
The original story “Romance and sexual intimacy thrive as people age, study finds” is published in The Brighter Side of News.
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