Romantic indifference breeds boredom, lower intimacy, and a wandering eye

A set of four studies found that indifference towards a romantic partner is associated with lower relationship and personal well-being. Feelings of boredom in the relationship, lower intimacy, and a higher desire for attractive alternatives were found to underlie this association. The paper was published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Indifference in romantic relationships is a state in which a person experiences neither strong positive nor strong negative feelings toward their partner. Instead of love, excitement, anger, or frustration, the relationship is characterized by emotional neutrality and a lack of affective engagement.

This absence of emotional investment can be particularly problematic because romantic relationships typically rely on strong emotional bonds. When a partner becomes indifferent, interactions may become mechanical, routine, or emotionally empty. Indifference manifests as boredom, reduced interest in shared activities, and a diminished desire for intimacy. Individuals who feel indifferent toward their partner may also become more attentive to attractive alternatives outside the relationship.

Because indifference involves a lack of both positive and negative emotions, it may signal emotional disengagement rather than active conflict. This state can be difficult to address in couples therapy, as there may be little emotional energy left to motivate change. Over time, persistent indifference may increase the likelihood of relationship dissolution.

Study author Mirna Đurić and her colleagues conducted a set of 4 studies investigating the associations between indifference in romantic relationships and well-being. They hypothesized that indifference would be associated with lower relationship satisfaction and personal well-being, and that this link might arise because of relational boredom, attention to other domains of life (such as work, hobbies, friends and family, or attractive alternatives), or lower intimacy.

In their pilot study, involving participants recruited via Prolific, the authors conducted an initial test of their hypotheses. Studies 1 and 2 were then conducted on 591 and 980 participants recruited via Prolific. The primary goal of these studies was to develop and validate the Subjective Interpersonal Indifference Scale (an assessment for measuring indifference). Finally, the participants of Study 3 were 360 individuals involved in romantic relationships recruited through a panel agency in the Netherlands. These couples were followed over a span of 3 years, allowing the study authors to examine the associations longitudinally. Every 6 months over the study period, participants were asked to complete online questionnaires.

In Study 1, participants completed assessments of indifference (the scale developed by the study authors), relationship well-being, personal well-being (three items from the Satisfaction with Life Scale, plus stress and depression from the DASS-21), relational boredom (the 15-item Relational Boredom Scale), and general partner evaluation.

In Study 2, the relational well-being scale was slightly adapted, and the study authors added measures of intimacy, desire for attractive alternatives (e.g., “Over the past two weeks how much did you desire someone other than your partner?”), and focus on work, hobbies, or other people. Study 3 used the same assessments as the previous studies with some minor adjustments to fit the longitudinal design.

Results of the first study showed that individuals experiencing higher levels of indifference had thoughts of breaking up more frequently and experienced more relational boredom. They tended to be much less satisfied with their relationships, to be less committed, to trust their partner less, and to be less satisfied with their lives. Importantly, these negative associations held true even when controlling for general partner devaluation, proving that indifference uniquely harms well-being rather than just being a byproduct of disliking a partner.

Study 2 confirmed these results and additionally indicated that indifference was linked to higher stress and more severe depressive symptoms. The authors tested statistical models proposing that the detrimental effects of indifference on well-being and relationship satisfaction are mediated by relational boredom, lower intimacy, and a desire for attractive alternatives.

The data supported these models: indifference toward one’s partner increased boredom, lowered intimacy, and made an individual desire attractive alternatives more. In turn, these factors reduced relationship satisfaction, trust, and life satisfaction, while increasing stress, depression, and thoughts of breaking up.

However, the analyses also revealed that focusing more heavily on work, hobbies, or other people did not mediate the link between indifference and relationship well-being. While the desire for attractive alternatives explained a great deal of the relationship decay, simply redirecting energy toward non-romantic tasks did not.

Results of Study 3 generally confirmed these findings across time. While longitudinal associations tended to be slightly weaker than concurrent ones, earlier indifference was still significantly associated with lower later relationship satisfaction. This decline was reliably predicted by higher earlier desires for attractive alternatives, relational boredom, and lower intimacy.

“In contrast to the strong positive, and occasional negative, evaluations that people expect to experience in romantic relationships, some individuals may instead experience indifference toward their romantic partner. Our findings reveal that this state – characterized by simultaneously low positive and negative evaluations – can be both distressing and harmful. Across four studies, we demonstrate that indifference toward a romantic partner is linked to higher relational boredom, higher desire for alternative partners, and lower intimacy, which are in turn associated with poorer relationship and personal well-being,” the study authors concluded.

The study contributes to the scientific understanding of the significance of indifference toward one’s romantic partner for relationship quality and overall well-being. However, it should be noted that the observational design of these studies does not allow for definitive causal interpretations. Additionally, all data were based on self-reports, leaving room for reporting bias to have affected the results.

The paper “Just Not That Into You: Experiences of Indifference Toward a Romantic Partner” was authored by Mirna Đurić, Francesca Righetti, Giulia Zoppolat, and Iris K. Schneider.