You’ve been on the dating market for months, wondering how to catch the right partner’s attention. New research shows that how you tell your story may matter as much as what you say about yourself. If you feel like you’re doing everything “right” and still not getting traction, this might be why.
“6’1. Outdoorsy. Ambitious. Sarcastic. Dog dad. Gym-ish. Traveler. Foodie. Fluent in banter. Good vibes only.”
When I was dating and scrolling through profiles, adjective lists like this were an instant turn-off. They felt strangely cold, like I was reading a car-for-sale listing instead of meeting a person. At the time, it was just a gut reaction. It took me several years (and three studies)1 to understand why that “selling” strategy backfires and what works better instead.
Ironically, even marketing companies, including those selling cars, have long understood the limitations of listing features. They know that telling a story around their brand or product increases consumers’ curiosity, engagement, and emotional connection. You don’t just buy a speedy and safe car; you buy a legacy that protects your family on every journey.
Why bullet points kill attraction
From cradle to grave, we are enchanted by good stories. Think about the last time someone told you a really good one: you leaned in. For a moment, you forgot yourself. You were suddenly “there,” in their world, not yours. In that immersive state, you don’t just understand what’s happening, you feel it. You start caring about the characters, worrying about their fate, and wanting to know what happens next.2 That “leaning in” feeling is exactly what bullet points rarely create.
Beyond being entertaining, stories also shape judgments.3 When we identify with a character and feel part of the story’s world, we process information in a more experiential (rather than analytical) way. And that makes us far more receptive to what we’re hearing compared to a sequence of facts or bullet points alone.4 Stories don’t just inform us; they make us feel something. And feelings drive decisions.
It therefore won’t surprise you to learn that storytelling has been adopted as a marketing tool. Research has backed these insights, showing that with the help of intriguing stories, brands can set themselves apart from others. In this way, they can easily capture potential customers’ attention and spark desire for the brand or its products, ultimately increasing the likelihood that people choose them over the alternatives.2
We wanted to see if what works in car markets works in the dating kingdom.
So we asked a simple question: if stories sell cars, can they also make someone want to meet you?
In three studies1, we showed single participants dating profiles that presented either narrative or non-narrative self-presentations of a potential partner. After viewing the profile, participants reported their empathy for and romantic interest in the profiled individual (the potential partner).
Study 1: Same facts, different format
In the first study, the narrative and non-narrative self-presentations contained identical basic information. The key difference wasn’t what the potential partner revealed; it was how they revealed it.
Profile A: Non-narrative (just the facts)
“Dan. I come from a world of art. I learned to play guitar from a young age. My first guitar was a gift from my grandfather. Even today, I play quite a lot. It’s my main hobby. After graduating from high school, I traveled to South America with friends. This trip was long and unforgettable. I tried many different types of sports, extreme activities, and also experienced various foods. At different points in my life, especially during the trip, I met many people with whom I had some meaningful conversations. As I was preparing to return from South America, I enrolled in studies for a bachelor’s degree in economics at the university. Today I am an economics student. At the same time, I work in the high-tech industry. In my free time, I run and hike with my friends and my family. At the end of the day, I drink a glass of wine and play the guitar. I would love to get to know you.”
However, in the narrative condition, this information was structured as a story with a plot involving the potential partner experiencing causally connected events over time.
Profile B: Narrative (a life in motion)
“Hi there, I’m Dan. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been breathing art. My grandfather, may his memory be blessed, believed that music connects people, and at age 7 he gave me a guitar that became an inseparable part of me. After graduating from high school, I flew with my friends on a trip to South America. I remember the incredible landscapes, the amazing local food, and the extreme activities. I must tell you, the deep conversations with the people I met there taught me to appreciate what’s important in life. Toward the end of the trip, I had to decide whether to stay in art or go in a new direction. I won’t leave you in suspense. Today, I’m an economics student working in high-tech. But don’t worry, the guitar is still part of me. If I’m not studying or working, you’ll find me hiking with friends and family, running, or playing music. But mostly, I love ending the day with a glass of wine and a guitar on the balcony. If you find yourself nodding with a smile, I’d love to get to know you.”
Study 2: Photos can tell a story too
In the second study, we used pictorial self-presentations, as pictures have a stronger impact on impression formation in online dating profiles compared with text.5 Participants viewed a potential partner’s profile containing five photos that we varied in how much they “told a story.”
In the narrative condition, the photos depicted the potential partner across varied situations that unfold like a typical day, from morning through evening. Specifically, the photos captured early activities like exercising or studying, progressed through daily routines, such as cooking, and culminated in evening engagements like socializing or family interactions. Seen together, this chronological presentation of distinct facets of the potential partner’s life and relationships created a coherent “slice of life” that provided a sense of who this person is and what being with them might feel like.
In the non-narrative condition, photos showed the same potential partner in neutral settings, such as in a park or on a street, without that connective thread.
Study 3: Real-life profiles
In the third study, we examined whether a combined self-presentation of written and visual cues, which closely resembles real dating platforms, produces the most potent effects on empathy and interest toward the potential partner. Participants here viewed one of four profiles that included either (a) a narrative or non-narrative written self-presentation and (b) five self-descriptive photos that were either narratively interconnected or not.
What did we find?
Narrative self-presentations in online dating profiles intensified empathy for the profiled individual. This heightened empathy, in turn, predicted greater romantic interest in the potential partner.
Why narratives work
By humanizing profiles and encouraging genuine emotional engagement, storytelling actively counters the objectifying nature of online dating platforms. Such self-presentation motivates date seekers to view the profiled individuals as fellow human beings rather than mere commodities. In this way, storytelling creates a rewarding emotional experience that transcends detached evaluation or simple fact-gathering, paving the way for more meaningful initial interactions. Overall, narrative presentations foster a sense of connection in an otherwise detached medium of online dating. And it does so even before a single message is sent.
Try this quick swap: Turn labels into lived examples
Instead of: “Funny.”
Try: “I laugh at my own jokes first. It’s part of my charm.”
Instead of: “Outdoorsy.”
Try: “Most weekends I disappear into a trail, come back sunburned, and swear I’ll bring more water next time.”
Instead of: “Independent.”
Try: “I love my alone time. I also love choosing to share it with someone.”
Look at your last text or bio. Did you write a list, or did you tell a scene? Try changing one bullet point to a story today and see how it feels.
The takeaway
We are fascinated by stories, yet we keep writing our dating profiles like shopping lists. Eventually, it’s not the height or the ambition that makes someone fall for you. It’s your entire story. And the right person can’t feel that from bullet points.
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