Adults with ADHD crave more relationship support but often feel shortchanged

Adults with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder often experience a profound disconnect between the emotional help they crave and the support they feel they receive from romantic partners. A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates that the severity of ADHD symptoms directly influences these interpersonal dynamics. The findings suggest that the specific cognitive and emotional patterns associated with the condition can make navigating relationship support uniquely challenging.

Social support is a foundational element of close human bonds. Researchers typically categorize this support into five distinct types. Emotional support involves expressions of empathy and caring. Esteem support focuses on validating a person’s capabilities and worth.

Network support refers to messages that create a sense of belonging or inclusion. Informational support consists of giving advice or helpful facts. Finally, tangible support involves providing material aid, such as money or physical help with tasks.

In a typical relationship, partners expect to give and receive these forms of aid. When a person feels they are getting less help than they need, sociologists refer to this as a “support gap.” These gaps can lead to lowered self-esteem and relationship dissatisfaction.

Most existing research on these gaps relies on data from neurotypical populations. This leaves an open question regarding how neurodivergent individuals navigate these exchanges. Adults with ADHD often process information and regulate emotions differently than the general population.

Lindsay A. Duede, a researcher at Louisiana State University, led an investigation to address this lack of data. Duede worked alongside Colter D. Ray from the University of Tampa and Kellie St.Cyr Brisini from Louisiana State University. The team aimed to understand how specific ADHD symptoms shape the desire for and perception of support.

The researchers focused on three primary symptoms associated with the condition. The first is inattention, often manifesting as difficulty focusing or forgetfulness. The second is hyperactivity, characterized by restlessness or high energy.

The third symptom is emotional dysregulation. This refers to a struggle to manage intense emotional responses. It can lead to sudden mood shifts or an overwhelming sense of frustration during stress.

To conduct the study, the team recruited 286 adults who met the diagnostic criteria for ADHD. Each participant was currently involved in a romantic relationship. The participants completed a series of detailed online surveys.

The first section of the survey assessed the severity of their ADHD symptoms. Participants rated how frequently they experienced issues like trouble concentrating or feeling overwhelmed by emotions. The second section focused on their romantic relationship.

Participants rated how much of each of the five types of support they desired from their partner. They then rated how much of that support they believed they actually received. Finally, they answered questions regarding feelings of “hurt” stemming from these interactions.

The data revealed a clear pattern regarding the desire for help. Participants with more severe ADHD symptoms reported a higher desire for almost all types of support. This was particularly true for emotional, esteem, informational, and tangible support.

The intensity of a person’s symptoms appeared to increase their perceived need for reassurance and aid. However, the study found a disconnect between this desire and the support participants felt they received. In many cases, wanting more help did not correlate with feeling supported.

This disconnect was most visible regarding hyperactivity. The researchers found that hyperactivity widened the gap between desired and experienced support. This was statistically evident for both emotional and tangible support.

When an individual reported high levels of hyperactivity, their desire for support had no relationship to what they felt they received. The researchers suggest that hyperactivity might interfere with communication. It could make it difficult for an individual to slow down and process the help being offered.

Alternatively, hyperactivity might lead to impulsive communication styles. A partner might not understand what is needed if the request is unclear. This could result in the ADHD adult feeling their needs are unmet, regardless of the partner’s effort.

The study also examined the emotional fallout of these interactions. The authors looked specifically at “hurt feelings.” This is a social emotion often caused by a sense of rejection or criticism.

The analysis showed that emotional dysregulation was a strong predictor of feeling hurt. Individuals who struggle to regulate their emotions reported higher levels of pain during support interactions. This aligns with the idea that ADHD involves a heightened sensitivity to negative feedback.

Inattention and hyperactivity were also linked to increased hurt feelings. The authors proposed a mediation model to explain this. They found that the heightened desire for support was a key factor.

High levels of symptoms led to a high desire for support. This intense longing for connection appeared to make individuals more vulnerable. When a person needs a great deal of validation, even a small perceived slight can cause significant emotional pain.

The findings challenge the “medical model” of disability often used in psychology. This model views ADHD as a defect within the individual that needs fixing. Instead, the authors framed their work within a “social model.”

The social model suggests that disability arises from the interaction between a person and their environment. In this context, the issue is not just the ADHD brain. It is the mismatch between the ADHD adult’s communication style and the norms of supportive behavior.

Relationship satisfaction played a major role in the results. Participants who were happier in their relationships generally reported receiving more support. They also reported feeling less hurt, regardless of their symptom severity.

This suggests that a strong emotional bond can act as a buffer. It may help ADHD adults interpret their partner’s actions more positively. However, the underlying cognitive challenges remain a factor in how support is processed.

The authors noted several limitations to their methodology. The study relied entirely on self-reported data. This captures the ADHD partner’s reality but does not objectively measure the support provided.

The researchers also did not survey the romantic partners. Understanding the partner’s perspective would clarify if the support gap is perceptual or actual. It is unclear if partners are withholding support or if the ADHD adult is simply not noticing it.

The study was also cross-sectional, meaning it captured a snapshot in time. It cannot prove that ADHD symptoms cause the support gap, only that they are related. Long-term studies would be needed to track these dynamics over the course of a relationship.

Future research should investigate specific communication strategies. The authors speculate that direct support-seeking might be more effective than indirect hints. ADHD adults often fear rejection, leading them to mask their needs.

The study, “Preferences for social support and perceived support gaps among attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) adults,” was authored by Lindsay A. Duede, Colter D. Ray, and Kellie St.Cyr Brisini.