Photo: Bravo
On Entertainment Tonight and TikTok, Daisy clarified that part of her frustration with Gary in last week’s episode was because they started filming only two days after the season-four reunion. I’m disappointed that was either edited out or they were specifically being vague about things — I’m fascinated by reality shows eating their own tails, and if cast members can’t acknowledge that the show itself affects their life, it gets further and further from any “reality.”
That said, this episode gave us plenty of entertaining workplace fodder that stands on its own, even if it happened over a year ago. We pick back up at dinner on night one of the first charter, where two guests are still waiting for their plates. Chef Cloyce finally gets to them, apologizes, and still announces the dish, ignoring that the majority already finished eating it. Buckle up, because that barely cracks the top-three cringiest moments from Cloyce tonight.
After dinner, the lace-and-leather theme night continues with a dance instructor. For the lesson, the crew dresses up, with the guys wearing some of the girls’ tops. We don’t see any actual dancing, only a lesson in sexy walking. Davide gives it his all; no one would dare accuse him of being a nepo-baby model. He says he once married a guy at a crazy festival, despite being straight. You know, when you legally marry your friends for a laugh?? They’re divorced now, though they did make it Facebook official. I can’t wait to see what energy Davide brings to the crew nights out.
Gary drives the dance teacher back to shore in the tender. It’s dark, and ominous music kicks in, so if you somehow missed all the previews about a boat crash, you still won’t be too surprised. Gary’s chatting, and it doesn’t seem like he takes his eyes off the water, but he somehow crashes into a rock. Hard. He has to make sure the camera crew is okay, which shows us this was more than a little bump. Gary says it’s the first time he’s ever crashed a boat. The fiberglass is torn up and bubbling, but he doesn’t see any leaks. It drives normally back to Parsifal III, where Gary tells Glenn what happened. Glenn explains that the tender won’t sink, but Emma should keep an eye on it overnight because the engine could get damaged if it fills with water. It looks good to her, and I’m unsure if I’m supposed to be seeing something in these shots of the tender at night. Is it a spot-the-difference game? No, in the morning Gary confirms that it’s still dry. He gets underwater to take video of the damage. I get excited because it looks rough and I’m rooting against Gary, but then learn it’s only cosmetic damage. Rats.
Danni continues flirting with Keith, and they’re already hugging in the laundry room. Keith tells us he’s typically a relationship guy and was with his last girlfriend for three and a half years, but he’s finally ready to get out there again. Danni reveals that she used to chase boys, but then she started working out, became a cheerleader, and gained confidence. The confidence is evident, but it still seems like she’s chasing boys. Case in point: She rubs Keith’s leg with her foot under the guise of wanting to feel how hairy it is.
Uncharacteristically, Daisy sends both stews to the beach club with the guests, Married to Medicine’s Dr. Contessa and Dr. Scott and their friends. Daisy’s whole thing has been not wanting to send stews on excursions, but for O Beach Ibiza, where they’re basically extra waitresses, she has a change of heart? While the guests put the sexy dance moves they learned last night to use, Danni’s thrilled to flirt with Anthony, who works at the club. They exchange numbers and she immediately christens him her boyfriend. Two of the guests didn’t bring their swimsuits for the pool, so the stews radio for Gary to bring them. Daisy has to wake up an annoyed Gary since he’s the only one who can drive the tender (though that’s debatable now). Spencer hilariously goes in the pool in his clothes but is still happy when his trunks are delivered.
Danni and Diana are hot, getting sunburned, and at the club longer than expected; they check in with the guests, who want to stay as late as possible. They’re doing shots out of the bottle and just ordered another. In da clerb, we all fam. Why you would charter a superyacht and spend five-plus hours of that time at a club is beyond me. We have the club at home! Okay, yes, we’re in Ibiza; go to the club the day before your charter, then recover on the yacht. This should be obvious. I’ll stop ranting now and just say I’m available for any travel-advising needs.
The stews radio Daisy, who says she’ll swap them out with a deck crew member. She asks Gary if he can go pick them up, and he refuses. Daisy: “A leopard doesn’t change his spots.” Emma talks some sense into him, reasoning that if he was in Daisy’s position, he’d be pissed, and he shouldn’t start the season on the wrong foot. Gary caves and swaps Keith out for the girls. Danni introduces Keith to her “boyfriend” Anthony, who’s now shirtless. Later, Keith says he seemed like a nice guy but thinks Danni’s punching (as in, above her weight, meaning he’s hotter than her. For more examples, I refer you to the TikTok series “Who’s Punching?”). Danni takes offense: “I’m all about banter until you call someone fucking ugly … That’s just mean.” She calls him a “fucking budgie-smuggling boofhead.” I may be misunderstanding something, but to my American ears, this seems relatively nonsensical and lighthearted, because budgie smugglers are Speedos. I might have to steal that one.
At the club, one of the guests, Linda, orders “a double anything,” which should be a clear indication that it’s time to go. When they’re finally ready to leave the club at seven, they ask for dinner at eight. This seems ambitious, and of course, when they get back to the boat, Daisy checks in about the timing, and they push it to 8:30. Cloyce: “This sketches me out a bit.” He seems inexperienced with changing schedules, which is yacht chef 101. It’s now 8:47, and no one’s ready for dinner yet. Cloyce is worried he’s getting into overcooked-rice territory. Babe, no one is making you keep cooking it. Has he heard of a warming drawer? Keeping it on low? Microwaving with a damp paper towel?
Cloyce’s Thai coconut curry with roasted sweet potato turns out well. Again, it seems like it’s only one course and dessert. He’s only made two meals today because breakfast (with no individual orders) was really a brunch, so if I were a guest, I’d be underwhelmed. Although the apple crumble with homemade piña colada ice cream does look fire. These guests have been drinking all day; I’m shocked they don’t ask for more food or some drunchies, but I guess it’s because they’re still drinking. Hakim orders whiskey shots for everyone and asks Cloyce to join them. The chef gets permission from Glenn and says he’ll do less than a shot. I’m like, Okay, Cloyce, making smart choices, you’re growing on me, and then he slaps me in the face by rapping a song he wrote as he serves the shots. The secondhand embarrassment is debilitating. His breath control is lacking, his Lin-Manuel-esque flow is whiny, and the lyrics have nothing to do with the moment. “I’m making magic, I’m like Harry Potter / I’m probably getting hit on by your daughter.” Incredibly, Daisy and the guests love it. When asked where he gets inspiration, Cloyce sincerely says, “I don’t know. The stuff just comes to me.” Boy Wonder apparently also does poetry, archery, dance, and magic. He considers himself a renaissance boy. In an interview, he does an “ace up his sleeve” card trick, except he doesn’t show us the ace first, so it’s not a trick, just prop comedy.
The next morning, the doctors depart. They say it was the top anniversary trip they’ve taken, which feels like a backhanded compliment to specify anniversary trip. They’re treated to Glenn’s first signature good-bye horn honk of the season. At the tip meeting, Glenn calls out Cloyce for night one’s dinner hiccup but says night two was better. The captain acknowledges the guests were a lot of work for the interior and compliments Daisy’s team. The tip is $15,000, which seems low, but only Diana has the guts to say (in an interview) that she wanted more.
As the crew gets ready for their first night out, Cloyce says he says he likes to be elegant and then makes a dick joke. Danni correctly assesses that he’s dressed like an American dad with his tucked-in button down. At dinner, the guys go for a smoke break, where Gary asks who Cloyce has his eye on. Cloyce says he thinks Daisy would make a very good wife, and he loves when a lady tells him how it’s gonna be. Cloyce is not Daisy’s type, but on a more likely couple front, Keith apologized earlier to Danni about the punching comment, and they had a “kind of romantic” moment looking out at the ocean at night. At dinner, Danni asks if Keith’s on nights next shift. She suggests they could cuddle, but he says he has to work, ever the professional. So, she brings up again that he called her (relatively) ugly.
Daisy and Gary have yet another argument: She says she’s always had his back but is ready to throw him under the bus this season. He’s either in her corner or he’s not. In an interview, Gary claims he only has love for Daisy, but in practice, he still doesn’t show that at all. I pray to whoever’s listening out there — Poseidon, Neptune, Bravo editors — please spare us another season of these two’s same old patterns.
