Blaming a partner for shared pornography use buffers relationship dissatisfaction in women

When women who morally object to pornography watch it with their romantic partners, they often experience heightened sexual shame that lowers their overall relationship satisfaction. Blaming their partner for the viewing habit serves as a coping mechanism that softens this negative impact. These observations were recently published in the journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy.

Access to explicit sexual media has increased heavily over the past few decades. As a result, researchers have dedicated a great deal of time to evaluating the emotional and social impacts of this consumption. Much of the past work highlights problematic viewing habits or perceived addictions among male users.

The perspectives of female viewers often remain overlooked in academic literature. When studies do include women, they usually focus on how women react to a male partner’s viewing habits. Kristin Doan, a researcher at Liberty University, wanted to shift this academic focus.

Doan and her team decided to investigate how women process their own viewing experiences. They focused heavily on mutual viewing habits. Mutual viewing occurs when romantic partners consume explicit media together.

Women are generally more likely to watch this kind of media with a partner than alone. Cultural narratives often impose strict rules on female sexuality, placing a heavy emphasis on morality. These societal pressures can cause women to view their own sexual behaviors as inappropriate.

This clash of beliefs leads to a psychological phenomenon known as moral incongruence. Moral incongruence happens when a person engages in an activity that violates their own personal values. Doing something you believe is wrong typically creates mental distress.

For many women, consuming explicit media triggers this exact type of conflict. The distress caused by moral incongruence often surfaces as sexual shame. Sexual shame is a deep feeling of inadequacy or unworthiness related to one’s sexual thoughts or actions.

Unlike standard guilt, which focuses on a specific mistake, shame attacks a person’s core identity. Explicit media often portrays unrealistic bodies and submissive female roles. Internalizing these scripts can worsen a woman’s sense of shame.

To handle the heavy burden of shame, people sometimes rely on psychological defense mechanisms. One common defense is externalization. Externalization involves shifting the blame for an action onto outside forces or other people.

In the context of shared explicit media, a woman might tell herself she is only participating because her partner suggested it. Doan and her colleagues suspected this blame-shifting might alter how mutual viewing affects romantic bonds. They designed a study to map out these psychological pathways.

The research team recruited 142 women through an online platform. All the participants were in committed relationships. Each woman had also viewed explicit sexual material within the previous six months.

The participants filled out surveys assessing their viewing habits. They reported the percentage of time they spent watching this material alone versus with their romantic partner. This allowed the researchers to quantify the extent of their mutual viewing.

The surveys also measured several psychological and emotional states. The participants answered questions to gauge their levels of sexual shame and their moral disapproval of pornography. To measure moral disapproval, participants rated statements like “viewing pornography violates my personal values.”

Other questionnaires assessed their tendency to blame others, their sexual satisfaction, and their general relationship happiness. To measure externalization, participants read hypothetical negative scenarios and chose how they would react. Choosing to blame another person in the scenario indicated a higher level of externalization.

To measure sexual satisfaction, participants rated their contentment with various aspects of their sex lives over the past six months. To assess sexual shame, they indicated how much they agreed with statements about feeling inadequate during past sexual experiences. These specific questions provided a close look at their emotional well-being.

The team ran a series of statistical analyses to see how these factors influenced one another. They specifically looked at a chain reaction of emotions. They wanted to know if mutual viewing led to shame, which might then lower sexual and relationship satisfaction.

For women who held low levels of moral disapproval, watching explicit media with a partner did not increase their sexual shame. Their personal values aligned with their actions. Without that internal conflict, the mutual viewing did not harm their relationship satisfaction.

The sequence of emotions changed for women with high levels of moral disapproval. For these individuals, a higher percentage of mutual viewing resulted in elevated sexual shame. Their participation directly clashed with their personal moral compass.

This elevated sexual shame then spilled over into the bedroom. Higher shame led to a drop in sexual satisfaction. This decline in sexual fulfillment eventually dragged down the women’s overall satisfaction with their relationships.

The researchers then looked at the role of externalization in this emotional chain. They wanted to see if shifting the blame changed the final outcome. The results pointed to externalization acting as an emotional buffer.

For women who strongly disapproved of the media but watched it frequently with their partners, blaming the partner offered a form of psychological protection. By assigning responsibility to someone else, they lessened the clash with their own morals. This mental maneuver prevented their sexual satisfaction from dropping as much as it otherwise would have.

The researchers pointed out that this blame-shifting does not necessarily prevent the initial feelings of shame. Instead, it seems to develop in response to the shame. It functions as a way to preserve a positive self-image and maintain a sense of control.

If a woman convinces herself the viewing was entirely her partner’s idea, she avoids taking full responsibility for the morally conflicting act. This allows her to maintain her sexual satisfaction despite participating in an activity she views as wrong. The defense mechanism effectively short-circuits the negative emotional sequence.

The authors emphasized that healthcare providers should recognize these specific emotional pathways. When treating women with sexual concerns, clinicians need to evaluate the patient’s personal moral beliefs. Understanding how a patient processes moral conflict is essential for providing effective care.

The researchers acknowledged a few limitations in their study design. The data was collected all at once rather than over a long period. This cross-sectional approach means the team cannot definitively prove that one emotion caused another.

The sample size of 142 women was also relatively small. A larger group of participants would provide more statistical power to detect subtle psychological patterns. For example, the results related to the protective effects of externalization were not statistically significant in every single statistical model used.

Because these specific effects were not statistically significant across all metrics, the conclusions require cautious interpretation. The study also relied entirely on self-reported answers. Participants might not always provide completely accurate reflections of their own deeply held shames and defense mechanisms.

The researchers could not compare the experiences of married women to those in dating relationships due to the small sample size. They also could not thoroughly examine how race or varying sexual attractions might alter these emotional pathways. Future investigations should expand to include non-monogamous relationships and a wider array of intersecting social identities.

The study, “The effect of externalization on relationship satisfaction in female pornography users,” was authored by K. Doan, F. Volk, N. DiLella, J. Thomas and H. Murch.