Men with lower mate value compared to their partners perform more cunnilingus, study finds

Men who perceive themselves as less desirable than their female partners may be more likely to perform oral sex as a way to maintain their relationships, according to new research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. The study found that men with a lower mate value than their partners engaged in more frequent cunnilingus, and this was driven by their increased motivation to satisfy their partner sexually. However, researchers did not find evidence that concerns about disease influenced this behavior, suggesting that mate retention motivations outweigh potential health risks in this context.

Romantic relationships have played a fundamental role in human survival and reproduction. While long-term partnerships offer advantages such as mutual support, resource sharing, and cooperative child-rearing, they also come with challenges. One significant issue is the risk of infidelity or losing a partner to a more desirable mate. To address this, people use strategies to retain their partners, particularly when there is a difference in mate value—the perceived desirability of a person as a partner.

Previous research suggests that when one partner is perceived as more desirable than the other, the lower-value partner may feel increased pressure to prevent their partner from straying. These individuals might use both psychological and behavioral strategies to maintain the relationship. One approach, known as benefit-provisioning mate retention, involves engaging in behaviors that increase a partner’s satisfaction, such as offering emotional support, gifts, or acts of affection. Sexual behaviors, including oral sex, may also serve this purpose.

Prior studies have shown that men tend to be more interested in performing oral sex on their committed partners compared to casual encounters. This suggests that cunnilingus might be a strategic act meant to enhance relationship satisfaction rather than simply a display of sexual desire. Given this, the researchers aimed to investigate whether men with lower mate value than their partners use cunnilingus more frequently as a mate retention strategy. They also examined whether this behavior was motivated by the desire to sexually satisfy their partner and whether concerns about disease influenced the likelihood of engaging in oral sex.

“The mate value discrepancy appears to generate a strong motivation that influences dynamics within romantic relationships. We aimed to investigate whether it can regulate sexual behavior in the same way it influences behaviors such as mate-guarding,” explained study author Aleksandra Szymków-Sudziarska, a professor and the head of the Center for Research on Biological Basis of Social Behavior at SWPS University in Warsaw.

The study included 540 heterosexual men who were in committed, sexually active relationships for at least three months. Participants were recruited through university research pools and social media platforms and completed an online survey assessing various aspects of their relationships and sexual behaviors.

To measure mate value discrepancy, participants rated their own desirability as a romantic partner and separately rated their partner’s desirability. The difference between these scores determined the extent to which a participant perceived himself as having a lower or higher mate value than his partner.

The researchers also measured how frequently men performed cunnilingus on their partners by asking how many of their last 10 sexual encounters included oral sex. Additionally, participants completed a questionnaire assessing their motivation to sexually satisfy their partner, responding to statements like, “It is most important for me to sexually satisfy my partner.”

To explore whether disease concerns played a role, the study assessed participants’ perceived vulnerability to disease. This included measures of germ aversion (the tendency to feel disgusted by potential sources of contamination) and perceived infectability (the belief that one is particularly susceptible to illness). Researchers hypothesized that men with lower concerns about disease would be more likely to perform cunnilingus, as oral sex carries some risk of transmitting infections.

The findings confirmed that men who perceived themselves as having a lower mate value compared to their partners engaged in more frequent cunnilingus. However, this effect was not direct; rather, it was mediated by their motivation to sexually satisfy their partner. In other words, men who saw themselves as less desirable were more driven to please their partners sexually, and this motivation led to more frequent oral sex.

Interestingly, the study also found that men who perceived a mate value discrepancy were not just more likely to perform cunnilingus—they also reported enjoying it more. This suggests that men in these situations may develop a preference for performing oral sex, possibly as a way to reinforce their bond with their partner.

“The story is quite straightforward — if you are a man in a romantic relationship, the less you believe you deserve your female partner, the more motivated you become to strive for her satisfaction, and the more likely you are to perform cunnilingus,” Szymków-Sudziarska told PsyPost. “What was surprising was that the index of mate value discrepancy was positively correlated with men’s enjoyment of orally satisfying their female partners. This means that the more negatively a man perceived his own mate value compared to his partner, the more likely he was not only to perform but also to enjoy performing cunnilingus.”

The expected moderating effect of perceived vulnerability to disease was not found. The researchers initially predicted that men who were more concerned about disease transmission would be less likely to engage in cunnilingus, but this was not the case. Men’s motivation to satisfy their partner appeared to override concerns about potential health risks, at least in the context of committed relationships.

Additional analyses revealed that the frequency of cunnilingus was strongly associated with men’s beliefs about their partner’s enjoyment of receiving it. That is, men were more likely to perform oral sex when they believed their partner found it pleasurable. This suggests that men with lower mate value may not simply be engaging in oral sex to fulfill an obligation—they may also be reinforcing their partner’s pleasure as a means of strengthening the relationship.

While the findings provide valuable insights, the study has some limitations. First, the research relied on self-reported data, meaning that participants may have exaggerated or underreported their behaviors. Social desirability bias could lead some men to overstate their efforts to satisfy their partner, while others may not accurately assess their partner’s level of enjoyment. Future studies could benefit from gathering data from both partners in a relationship to provide a more complete picture.

Additionally, the study was conducted with men in Poland, and cultural attitudes toward oral sex may differ in other parts of the world. Some cultures place greater emphasis on sexual reciprocity in relationships, while others may discourage certain sexual practices altogether. Future research could examine whether similar patterns hold across different cultural contexts.

Another important consideration is that this study did not assess whether cunnilingus led to increased relationship satisfaction or reduced infidelity risk. While men with lower mate value may use oral sex to retain their partners, it remains unclear whether this strategy is effective in preventing breakups or increasing long-term commitment. Future research could examine whether engaging in cunnilingus actually strengthens a relationship or if other factors, such as emotional intimacy, play a more significant role.

“Our primary goal is to explore the factors influencing human motivations to engage in specific sexual behaviors,” Szymków-Sudziarska said. “Guided by an evolutionary framework on mate-retention strategies, we conduct studies on how mate value discrepancies shape these motivations — not only for oral sex but also for initiating and ending sexual intercourse, as well as faking orgasms, in both men and women.”

The study, “Oral Sex May Serve as Low Mate Value Compensation Among Men: Evidence from a Pre-registered Study,” was authored by Natalia Frankowska, Aleksandra Szymkow, and Andrzej Galbarczyk.