Mothers and fathers report diverging trends in relationship conflict during early childhood

New research suggests that mothers and fathers often perceive the trajectory of relationship conflict differently during the early years of parenthood. A longitudinal analysis indicates that while fathers tended to report decreasing frequencies of arguments as their child grew from infancy to preschool age, mothers reported an increase. Published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the findings also provide evidence that escalating conflict reported by mothers is specifically associated with lower social and emotional skills in their children.

Interparental conflict is a common experience in family life. Most couples encounter disagreements as they navigate their daily routines. Past research has established that high levels of hostility between parents can negatively affect a child’s development. Children exposed to frequent arguing may develop behavioral problems or struggle to regulate their own emotions.

Many existing studies have examined these family dynamics at a single point in time. This approach provides a snapshot of the family but misses how relationships evolve. The transition to parenthood is a major life event that requires significant adjustment. As children grow, the demands on parents change, which can alter the nature and frequency of disagreements between partners.

The researchers aimed to understand these shifting dynamics by tracking families over several years. They sought to determine if conflict typically increases or decreases during early childhood. They also wanted to see if changes in conflict levels predicted how well a child develops socially and emotionally.

“Interparental conflict is common in many families, and prior research has shown that it can negatively affect children’s development. However, most studies have examined parents’ conflict at only one point in time, even though conflict naturally changes as families go through different life stages,” said study author Qiujie (Coco) Gong, an assistant professor at Bowling Green State University.

“These changes may reflect everyday stressors, challenges related to parenting, or shifts in the couple’s relationship. Importantly, changes in conflict may signal either increasing strain within the family or resilience processes that help families adapt over time. In addition, mothers and fathers may experience and perceive conflict differently. This study was motivated by these gaps in the literature and aims to examine how mothers’ and fathers’ reports of interparental conflict change over time and how these changes are related to children’s development.”

The study was guided by family systems theory. This framework views the family as an interconnected unit where each relationship affects the others. A key concept within this framework is the “spillover” effect. This occurs when stress or mood from one relationship, such as the marriage, transfers into another relationship, such as parenting.

The researchers utilized data from the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study, Birth Cohort. This is a large, nationally representative dataset from the United States. The researchers focused their analysis on a final sample of 2,282 families. All selected families consisted of married parents and resident fathers who provided consistent data.

The data collection took place across three distinct waves. The first wave occurred when the focal child was approximately 9 months old. The second wave took place when the child was 2 years old. The final wave occurred when the child reached 4 years of age.

At each of these time points, both mothers and fathers independently completed questionnaires about their relationship. They were presented with a list of ten specific topics. These topics included chores, responsibilities, money, showing affection, religion, leisure time, drinking, other men or women, and in-laws.

Parents rated how often they had arguments about each topic. The scale ranged from “sometimes” to “never,” which the researchers reverse-coded to calculate a frequency score. Higher scores indicated a higher frequency of conflict. By collecting this data from both partners, the researchers could compare perspectives.

The researchers also assessed the children’s development at the third wave. When the children were 4 years old, mothers completed a survey regarding their child’s socioemotional skills. This measure included twenty-four items adapted from standardized behavior scales.

The survey asked about positive behaviors. For example, mothers rated how often their child volunteered to help others or comforted other children. It also asked about negative behaviors, such as whether the child seemed unhappy or prone to worry. The researchers combined these ratings to create an overall score for socioemotional skills.

The researchers found a clear divergence in how mothers and fathers perceived their relationship over time. Fathers reported that the frequency of conflict decreased from the time the child was 9 months old to 4 years old.

Mothers provided a different account of the same period. Their reports indicated that the frequency of conflict increased as the child aged. This suggests that as family life became more complex with a growing child, mothers perceived more friction than fathers did.

The researchers also looked at what the parents were arguing about. Fathers tended to report higher initial levels of conflict regarding money, household chores, and leisure time. Mothers were more likely to report higher conflict specifically related to child-rearing issues.

“One thing that surprised me was how differently mothers and fathers described changes in conflict over time,” Gong told PsyPost. “As their child grew, fathers tended to report fewer conflicts, while mothers reported more. One possible reason is that early in parenthood, fathers may notice disagreements about things like money or household tasks more, while mothers are often more focused on child-related issues.”

“As parenting demands increase, mothers may become more aware of conflicts across many areas of family life, while fathers may see those same conflicts as less important or brush them off. These different perspectives may help explain why mothers’ and fathers’ reports of conflict moved in opposite directions over time.”

The researchers then analyzed how these conflict trajectories related to the child’s outcomes at age 4. The findings revealed a significant association between the mother’s experience of conflict and the child’s development. When a mother reported that conflict was increasing over time, her child tended to exhibit lower socioemotional skills.

This negative association held true even after accounting for various control variables. The researchers adjusted for factors such as family socioeconomic status, the child’s sex, and the number of siblings. They also controlled for the child’s temperament at 9 months to ensure the results were not simply reflecting the child’s personality.

The pattern for fathers was different. The changes in conflict reported by fathers over time were not significantly associated with the child’s socioemotional skills at age 4. The decline in arguments that fathers perceived did not predict better or worse outcomes for the child.

However, the father’s initial perception of conflict did matter. Higher levels of conflict reported by fathers at the first wave (9 months) were associated with lower socioemotional skills in the child later on. This indicates that early hostility perceived by fathers is a risk factor, even if the trajectory of change is less predictive.

“This study shows that conflict between parents is not something that stays the same over time,” Gong explained. “Instead, it can change as families grow and adjust. In this sample, fathers reported fewer conflicts as their child grew from 9 months to 4 years old, while mothers reported experiencing conflicts more often during the same period. This suggests that mothers and fathers may notice or interpret conflict differently as family life changes. Importantly, when mothers reported increasing levels of conflict, their children tended to have lower social and emotional skills.”

As with all research, there are some limitations to consider. One issue is the retention of participants. The analysis showed that families where mothers reported higher initial conflict were more likely to drop out of the study. The study also focused on the frequency of arguments. It did not capture the intensity of the conflicts or how they were resolved.

“One important point to keep in mind is that not all families were equally represented in this study,” Gong noted. “Families in which mothers reported higher levels of conflict were more likely to drop out over time, meaning that the results may underestimate how conflict affects families experiencing higher levels of disagreement.”

“As a result, the findings should be interpreted with some caution, especially when thinking about families with more intense or ongoing conflict. In addition, most participants in the study were White, with fewer families from racial and ethnic minority groups, which may further limit how broadly these findings apply.”

Despite these limitations, the research highlights the dynamic nature of family relationships. It provides evidence that conflict is not a static feature of a marriage. The way parents perceive arguments can change significantly during the first few years of a child’s life.

“These findings suggest that parents may experience and interpret conflict differently, which makes open communication especially important,” Gong said. “Rather than focusing only on whether conflict happens at one moment in time, it is also helpful to pay attention to how conflict changes as family life unfolds. Working through disagreements early, instead of letting them build up over time, may help reduce potential negative effects on children’s social and emotional development.”

“Moving forward, I plan to continue studying how conflict between parents shapes family dynamics. I’m also interested in identifying protective factors, such as supportive relationships or effective coping strategies, that may help reduce the negative effects of interparental conflict on overall family functioning.”

The study, “Longitudinal changes in interparental conflict and impacts on children’s socioemotional skills,” was authored by Qiujie Gong and Karen Z. Kramer.