Psychology professor challenges the idea that dating is a marketplace

PsyPost’s PodWatch highlights interesting clips from recent podcasts related to psychology and neuroscience.

On Saturday, February 7, the Modern Wisdom podcast, hosted by Chris Williamson, released episode 1056 featuring Dr. Paul Eastwick, a psychology professor who specializes in attraction and close relationships. The episode explores whether traditional evolutionary theories about dating are accurate in the modern world.

At roughly the 30-minute mark, Dr. Eastwick challenges the popular idea that dating operates like a marketplace where everyone has an objective “mate value.” He argues that viewing people as a number, such as a “seven” or a “ten,” fails to account for human history. Instead of seeking the absolute highest status partner, humans evolved to prioritize compatibility and interdependence. This shift occurred because human children are born relatively helpless and require an immense amount of care to survive.

To support this, Eastwick points to physical changes in human evolution, such as the reduction in size of male canine teeth. This physical shift suggests a move away from aggression and toward “male parental investment,” where fathers play an active role in child-rearing. In the ancient past, being a supportive and cooperative partner was often more effective for survival than simply being the strongest or most dominant hunter.

The conversation then shifts to highlight the difference between “stated preferences” and “revealed preferences.” Stated preferences are the traits people say they want when asked, such as men requesting youth or women requesting wealth. However, revealed preferences are what people actually choose during interactions like speed dating. Eastwick’s research shows that when people meet face-to-face, gender differences often disappear, and both sexes weigh traits like ambition and attractiveness similarly.

This distinction explains why online dating can be so frustrating for many users. Dating apps encourage users to filter potential partners based on rigid demographic “boxes” like height or education level. This prevents people from meeting in person, where subjective chemistry and personality often override those initial checklists. The researcher suggests that loneliness is often a result of screening people out before a real human connection can form.

Eastwick also addresses fears regarding changing gender roles, specifically the rise in women’s education and income levels. Contrary to some cultural narratives, current data indicates that relationships where the woman is more educated than the man are not at higher risk of divorce. The “crisis” of men needing to improve their status may be exaggerated by the lack of in-person socialization.

You can listen to the full interview here.