A new longitudinal study published in Personal Relationships offers a closer look at how romantic relationship desire shapes long-term singles’ satisfaction with being single. The findings suggest satisfaction levels shift in ways that depend on age and birth cohort. While younger adults tend to become less satisfied, some older adults with unfulfilled desire show signs of adapting. The study highlights the complex and evolving nature of singlehood, pointing to the need to view it as a personal experience that changes across the life course.
Singlehood is becoming more common, especially in societies that emphasize personal freedom, career development, and autonomy. While some individuals embrace being single and derive satisfaction from it, others struggle with it, particularly when they want a romantic partner but remain unpartnered. Past research has shown that single people who wish to be in a relationship are often less satisfied with their singlehood, but most of this work has been based on one-time surveys.
The researchers aimed to move beyond snapshots in time. They wanted to understand how desire for a romantic relationship—and the absence of one—affects people across many years. They also wanted to explore whether these effects differ based on factors such as age and gender.
Specifically, the study introduced the concept of “prolonged desire,” referring to the experience of wanting a relationship that does not materialize over an extended period. The goal was to see whether this sustained desire leads to emotional strain, reduced life satisfaction, or eventual adaptation.
“Inspired by Olmstead’s concept of ‘chronic readiness’ (the idea that some people feel long-term readiness for a romantic relationship), I noticed that the long-term experience of relationship desire was rarely studied (mostly in a cross-sectional manner),” said study author Elise ‘t Hoen, a PhD researcher at the University of Antwerp.
“I was particularly interested in how satisfaction with singlehood evolves over time, especially among those who remain single and continue to express desire for a relationship (which was a gap). Additionally, dominant social narratives still portray singles as unhappy compared to partnered individuals, also motivating this research.”
For their study, the researchers analyzed data from the German Family Panel (Pairfam), a large, ongoing longitudinal study tracking social and relationship experiences in Germany. They focused on a subset of 300 individuals who remained single for at least nine survey waves, spanning up to 14 years from 2008 to 2022. These participants provided yearly reports on two key measures: how much they wanted a romantic relationship and how satisfied they were with being single.
To measure relationship desire, participants rated the statement “I would like to have a partner” on a five-point scale. Scores of 4 or 5 were classified as expressing active desire, while scores from 1 to 3 were considered as no or low desire. Satisfaction with singlehood was rated on a scale from 0 (very dissatisfied) to 10 (very satisfied). Demographic information such as birth year and gender was also included in the analysis, allowing the researchers to compare patterns across different age groups and between men and women.
At the start of the study period, individuals who reported no desire for a relationship had the highest levels of singlehood satisfaction, averaging 7.36 on the 0–10 scale. In contrast, those with a desire for a romantic partner reported satisfaction levels that were, on average, nearly two points lower. This difference remained consistent across the study period, suggesting that desire itself is a strong and stable predictor of how people feel about being single.
Over time, average satisfaction with singlehood showed a slight downward trend. However, once other factors like age and cohort were considered, this overall time effect was no longer statistically significant. The data revealed that it is not simply the number of years spent single that affects satisfaction, but how that experience interacts with a person’s age and desire for a partner.
When examining sex differences, Hoen and her colleagues found no significant overall difference between men and women in either relationship desire or singlehood satisfaction. However, when looking at trends over time, women who wanted a relationship showed a small but statistically significant decline in satisfaction, while men with similar desires did not show the same drop. This suggests that unfulfilled relationship desire may weigh more heavily on women, possibly due to societal expectations around partnering and family life.
Differences also emerged across age cohorts. Participants were grouped into three birth cohorts: those born between 1971–1980 (older), 1981–1990 (middle), and 1991–2000 (younger). Both the youngest and oldest cohorts reported lower relationship desire than the middle group. Among those who wanted a relationship, the middle cohort experienced the sharpest decline in singlehood satisfaction over time. The youngest cohort also saw a decline, though it was more moderate. In contrast, the oldest cohort with sustained desire showed a more stable or even slightly improving satisfaction trajectory, suggesting some degree of emotional adaptation or reframing of expectations.
“I had expected that people who remained single for a long time while continuing to desire a relationship would show a steady decline in satisfaction,” Hoen told PsyPost. “That wasn’t the case for the oldest cohort – their satisfaction improved slightly over time. The middle cohort, by contrast, declined sharply. This shows that duration alone doesn’t explain satisfaction, context and identity matter.”
Among individuals who did not express relationship desire, the oldest cohort again reported the highest satisfaction, supporting the idea that some people come to embrace or accept their single status over time. Meanwhile, the middle-aged group tended to be less satisfied, even when they did not report wanting a relationship. This pattern may reflect increased societal pressure to settle down during midlife, especially when it conflicts with individual desires or circumstances.
The researchers also tested whether satisfaction followed a non-linear trajectory, meaning it might dip and then rise or follow other curving patterns across time. While they found some evidence for such patterns in younger and older adults, these effects were not strong enough to draw firm conclusions. Still, the results suggest that the emotional experience of being single is not a straight line but may include periods of change, reevaluation, and growth.
“Singlehood is a dynamic experience, shaped by relationship desire, age, and gendered societal contexts,” Hoen said. “One of the most important findings is that wanting a relationship is a strong predictor of how satisfied someone feels about being single. However, it’s not just about how long someone is single, but about who they are when that desire persists, and how they interpret their desire, that shapes how they experience singlehood over time.”
But the study, like all research, includes some caveats. The sample of 300 long-term singles was a small portion (1.8 percent) of the larger Pairfam study, which means the findings may not represent all single individuals. Also, participants had to remain single across nine waves, which limits the generalizability to people with shorter periods of singlehood.
Future research could build on these findings by exploring how identity, social support, and cultural norms influence how people experience being single. It would also be useful to examine how satisfaction and desire interact with broader well-being outcomes such as loneliness, depression, or self-esteem. Finally, future work could investigate how people come to redefine or accept their relationship goals over time and whether doing so enhances life satisfaction.
“I aim to further examine how singlehood satisfaction is shaped by how individuals define their own single status, particularly in relationship to whether they wish to remain single,” Hoen explained. “This includes a deeper look at identity, not just desire.”
“This study shows that singlehood is a dynamic, lived experience,” she concluded. “By taking a longitudinal, within-person approach, it highlights how desire is a personal experience that evolves with age, social norms, and gendered expectations. It encourages us to think of singlehood as a process shaped by context and time.”
The study, “Who’s Waiting Ever After? An Exploration of Relationship Desire and Satisfaction Among Long-Term Singles,” was authored by Elise ’t Hoen, Elke Claessens, and Dimitri Mortelmans.
