Your relationship dynamic plays a bigger role in jealousy than your personality, new study shows

A new study published in Personal Relationships suggests that a person’s level of relationship jealousy remains fairly steady over time with a specific partner, but can shift significantly when they enter a new relationship. The research provides evidence that intrusive suspicions about a partner’s faithfulness are driven by a combination of individual personality traits and the unique dynamics of each romantic bond. This helps clarify whether people are naturally jealous or if they are simply reacting to their specific environment.

Romantic jealousy is a common emotion rooted in the fear of losing a partner, but it can sometimes grow into an overwhelming preoccupation. Scientists distinguish between different types of jealousy, noting that some forms are much more harmful to a relationship than others. For example, emotional jealousy is a quick reaction to an immediate threat, like seeing a partner flirt with someone else at a party.

In contrast, cognitive jealousy involves persistent, intrusive thoughts and suspicions about a partner cheating, often occurring without any concrete evidence. While scientists know that this type of jealousy is linked to lower self-esteem and relationship distress, less is understood about how it operates over the lifespan of a partnership. The researchers designed their new study to determine whether cognitive jealousy acts as a permanent personality trait or a flexible reaction to different romantic partners.

“As a couples therapist and researcher, I often see how distressing cognitive jealousy (i.e., persistent thoughts or suspicions about a partner’s infidelity) can be,” said study author Mikhila Wildey, an associate professor of psychology at Grand Valley State University and owner of Resilient Relationships.

“Much of the existing research has treated it like a stable personality trait that doesn’t really change. I wanted to test that assumption. Is jealousy something that people simple ‘carry’ from relationship to relationship, or does it depend on the partner and context? In addition, does jealousy change over time within a particular relationship?”

To answer these questions, the scientists analyzed data from a large longitudinal study of romantic relationship development. The sample included 891 young, unmarried adults between the ages of 18 and 34. These participants were tracked over a period of five years, completing detailed surveys every four to six months.

Because some participants changed partners during the study, the researchers were able to track a total of 1507 distinct romantic relationships. About 42 percent of the participants reported being in more than one relationship over the five-year period. This unique data structure allowed the scientists to observe how jealousy shifted when an individual transitioned from one partner to another.

In these surveys, participants answered questions to measure their cognitive jealousy. This measurement assessed their beliefs and suspicions about their partner being interested in or intimate with someone else. The researchers also measured neuroticism, which is a personality trait characterized by emotional instability and a tendency to experience negative emotions.

Additionally, they assessed attachment anxiety, which refers to a person’s deep-seated fear of abandonment and intense need for reassurance in relationships. Finally, the surveys asked whether the participants or their partners had engaged in sexual relations with someone else since they began dating. This allowed the scientists to see how actual incidents of infidelity impacted jealous thoughts.

The data revealed that cognitive jealousy does not tend to fade or escalate as a single relationship progresses. Instead, within any given relationship, a person’s level of cognitive jealousy stays remarkably consistent over time.

“I was surprised that cognitive jealousy didn’t systematically change over time within relationships,” Wildey told PsyPost. “Even across five years, people’s baseline levels tended to remain steady. This finding challenges the common belief that jealousy naturally fades, or escalates, the longer you’re together. With that said, our sample consists of relatively young adults for five years, so it’s possible that in longer-lasting relationships or later life stages, different patterns might emerge.”

However, Wildey and her colleagues noticed significant fluctuations when looking at the broader picture of multiple relationships. They found that 28.2 percent of the variation in cognitive jealousy was tied to the individual person. This means some people naturally experience more jealous thoughts regardless of who they are dating. At the same time, the largest portion of the variation, making up 39.8 percent, was due to differences between relationships.

“Practically, this means jealousy isn’t just a ‘you problem,’” Wildey said. “It reflects both your personality and what’s happening in that specific relationship. The most effective interventions to address cognitive jealousy therefore likely need to address both.”

The researchers also identified several specific factors that predict higher levels of cognitive jealousy. Individuals who scored high in neuroticism and attachment anxiety tended to report more jealous thoughts. This aligns with the idea that people who struggle with emotional stability or fear of rejection are more prone to relationship suspicions.

Experiences with infidelity also played a massive role in shaping these suspicions. Participants who knew their partner had cheated early in the relationship reported much higher levels of cognitive jealousy. The knowledge of a past betrayal seems to keep individuals on high alert, sustaining their suspicions over a long period.

The data showed that a person’s own past behavior influenced their thoughts about their partner as well. Individuals who admitted to engaging in sexual relations outside their relationship also experienced greater cognitive jealousy. The researchers also noted that men, on average, reported slightly higher initial levels of cognitive jealousy than women.

“Within a given relationship, people’s levels of cognitive jealousy stayed fairly stable over time,” Wildey summarized. “The biggest differences in cognitive jealousy emerged between different relationships, meaning someone may experience greater jealousy with one partner than another. At the same time, some individuals consistently reported higher levels of cognitive jealousy than others, regardless of the relationship.”

A potential misinterpretation of these findings is the assumption that because cognitive jealousy is stable over time, it is a permanent condition.

“Although average levels stay steady within relationships, there are differences in cognitive jealousy between different partners, and cognitive jealousy was linked to factors like attachment anxiety and experiences with infidelity,” Wildey told PsyPost. “In other words, both personal tendencies and relationship context shape jealousy, and consequently, growth and intervention are still very much possible.”

The study does have some limitations, including the fact that the data was collected between 2007 and 2012. The sample primarily consisted of mixed-gender couples, and dating norms have evolved since the data was gathered. For example, the modern use of online dating applications might introduce new triggers for cognitive jealousy that were not captured in this older dataset.

“I’d like to see whether these patterns hold in more diverse samples, like same-sex couples and consensually non-monogamous relationships,” Wildey said. “I’m also interested in identifying the specific relationship dynamics (like communication or trust repair after infidelity) that may explain why jealousy differs from one partner to the next.”

“This study is the first to track cognitive jealousy across multiple relationships within the same individuals over time. That allowed us to move beyond asking ‘Are jealous people just jealous?’ and instead ask more nuanced questions like “How much jealousy lives in the person, and how much lives in the relationship?” and ‘Does jealousy change over time within a relationship?’”

The study, “Wired for Cognitive Jealousy? Unveiling the Stability Within and Fluctuations Between Relationships,” was authored by Mikhila N. Wildey, Kayla Knopp, Scott M. Stanley, and Galena K. Rhoades.