Mothers’ humor during sex talks can make teenage daughters less open, new study suggests

A new study published in The Journal of Sex Research provides evidence that when teenage daughters use humor to talk about sex with their mothers, they tend to experience better sexual well-being. The same study suggests that when mothers use humor during these conversations, it can actually make daughters less willing to open up. These findings highlight how the way family members interact during sensitive discussions shapes a teenager’s healthy sexual development.

Discussing sexuality is often an uncomfortable experience for both parents and teenagers. Lotem Schmil-Itzhak, a student and educational consultant, and Professor Yaniv Efrati, head of the Addictive Behaviors Laboratory in the Faculty of Education at Bar-Ilan University, wanted to explore whether humor could ease this tension.

“Sex education is an extremely important and meaningful topic for conversations between parents and adolescents,” the researchers explained. “However, in practice, these conversations are often accompanied by embarrassment, discomfort, avoidance, and silence.”

The researchers noted that many parents struggle to initiate and sustain these discussions naturally. “One possible way to make these conversations feel less threatening is through humor,” they said. “Humor can reduce tension, make the interaction feel more relaxed, and help parents and adolescents approach sensitive topics in a more open and comfortable way.”

They noted that in the Jewish Israeli community, where the study took place, sexuality is often considered a highly sensitive topic due to conservative social norms. “When used appropriately, humor may serve as a bridge that helps transform conversations about sexuality from awkward or avoided discussions into opportunities for connection, guidance, and support,” the researchers added.

To answer their questions, the scientists recruited 98 mother-daughter pairs from across Israel, totaling 196 participants. The teenage daughters ranged in age from 14 to 18, while the mothers were between the ages of 40 and 63. To ensure genuine participation and avoid fake online responses, research assistants met with the mothers in person to explain the study before providing access to the digital questionnaires.

The mothers and daughters then completed separate, confidential online surveys that took about 14 minutes. To link the pairs without compromising privacy, each duo received a unique identification code. The researchers also checked internet addresses to confirm that the mothers and daughters filled out the surveys on different devices.

The surveys asked participants to rate how often they used humor when discussing sexuality with the other person. The researchers also measured the frequency and openness of their sexual communication. Additional questions evaluated the level of parental control over the conversations and how much the daughters kept secrets from their mothers.

Finally, the daughters completed a comprehensive questionnaire assessing their sexual well-being. Sexual well-being in adolescence involves more than just avoiding risky behavior. It includes a young person’s sense of control over sexual experiences, their resilience to challenging situations, and their general acceptance of their own developing sexuality.

The researchers used statistical modeling to examine how one person’s behavior affected their own outcomes, known as actor effects. They also looked at partner effects, which measure how one person’s behavior influences the other person’s outcomes. This allowed them to separate individual coping strategies from broader relationship dynamics.

The data showed that when daughters used humor, they reported much more open and frequent communication about sex with their mothers. “The findings point to a complex and nuanced answer,” the scientists noted. “When daughters themselves used humor in conversations about sexuality, the dialogue tended to become more open, direct, and less emotionally charged.”

Because humor helped daughters communicate openly, it was also linked to healthier development. “In this context, humor may function as a personal resource that reduces embarrassment and allows adolescents to approach a sensitive topic more naturally,” the researchers explained. “In our study, daughters’ use of humor was positively associated with their own open sexual communication, and through this openness, it was also linked to higher sexual well-being, including greater confidence, understanding, and a more positive attitude toward sexuality.”

When mothers used humor, the results pointed in the opposite direction. “Since we began the study with the assumption that humor could help reduce embarrassment in conversations about sexuality, we expected mothers’ use of humor to be associated with more open sexual communication and higher sexual well-being among daughters,” the scientists explained. “However, we were surprised to find that this was not the case.”

The analysis indicated that mothers’ humor was associated with less open communication from their daughters. Because maternal humor reduced the daughter’s willingness to communicate openly, it was indirectly linked to lower scores in the daughter’s sexual well-being. “From the daughters’ perspective, mothers may be seen as part of the adult world, and when humor is introduced by a parent in a conversation about sexuality, it may not always feel relieving or supportive,” the researchers observed.

Instead, maternal humor may sometimes increase discomfort, feel misplaced, or create additional embarrassment. The scientists propose that this difference comes down to power dynamics and how messages are interpreted. “Within the mother-daughter relationship, where there are natural differences in roles, authority, and developmental stage, the same communicative tool may carry different meanings depending on who uses it,” they said.

A teenager’s humor is a self-initiated way to feel safe, while a mother’s humor might feel dismissive or evaluating to the teenager. The scientists also looked at whether it helped if the mother and daughter had similar humor styles. They found that matching humor levels did not affect the outcomes. The daughter’s own use of humor and the overall openness of the conversation were the primary factors supporting positive sexual development.

As with all research, there are some limitations. “Since this was a cross-sectional study based on self-report questionnaires and dyadic analysis, caution is needed when interpreting the findings,” the scientists warned. “The results point to meaningful associations, but they do not allow us to draw conclusions about causality or the direction of effects.”

Participants might have answered in ways they thought were socially acceptable, especially given the sensitive nature of the topic. The study measured how much humor was used, but it did not examine the specific types of jokes or playful comments made. Different styles of humor might have vastly different effects on a conversation.

The researchers suggest that future studies should observe conversations over time to see exactly how humor unfolds. “Future research should examine different types of humor in a broader range of parent-adolescent relationships, including fathers and sons, mothers and sons, and fathers and daughters,” they proposed. “Understanding how humor is used by educators, and how adolescents respond to it, could offer a broader perspective on the role of humor in creating open, comfortable, and meaningful conversations about sexuality.”

Ultimately, the study suggests that parents should let their teenagers guide the tone. “We believe that, when used appropriately, humor may also play an important role in conversations about sexuality,” the researchers concluded. “It can help reduce tension, make difficult topics feel more approachable, and support more open communication with adolescents.”

“At the same time, our findings suggest that humor should be used with sensitivity. In matters related to sexuality, humor is most helpful when it respects the adolescent’s comfort, timing, and personal boundaries. Used thoughtfully, it may contribute to more open discourse and support healthier sexual development among adolescents.”

The study, “Humor in Sexual Communication and Sexual Well-Being Outcomes Among Mother-Daughter Dyads,” was authored by Lotem Schmil-Itzhak and Yaniv Efrati.