New study sheds light on the mechanisms behind declining relationship satisfaction among new parents

An analysis of data from the German Family Panel found that relationship satisfaction persistently declines among both men and women after they become parents. These declines seem to be largely driven by increases in negative couple behaviors (i.e., conflict) and decreases in positive ones (e.g., emotional intimacy and appreciation). For women, but not men, an increase in household labor also contributes to the decline, though to a surprisingly small degree. The paper was published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

The transition to parenthood is a major life change that affects both social roles and psychological functioning. It brings increased responsibility, new routines, and adjustments in identity as individuals take on the role of caregivers.

Many parents experience a mix of positive emotions, such as joy and meaning, alongside stress and uncertainty. However, sleep deprivation, time pressure, and financial concerns created by the need to care for a newborn contribute to psychological strain during this period. Relationships between partners tend to change, requiring new forms of communication, cooperation, and division of responsibilities.

Social networks also shift, with greater reliance on family support and connections with other parents. Some individuals experience mental health challenges, including anxiety or postpartum depression. At the same time, parenthood can enhance a sense of purpose, personal growth, and emotional fulfillment.

Study author Matthias Pollmann-Schult notes that the relationship satisfaction of new parents tends to decline. He wanted to explore the factors that may lead to this decline. The author hypothesized that parenthood obligations would increase negative couple behaviors, limit parents’ capacity for positive interactions, and also shift the division of labor in the household, further contributing to the decline in relationship satisfaction.

The author of this study analyzed data from the German Family Panel, a longitudinal study of family relationships conducted annually between 2008 and 2022. The study started with 12,000 participants in 2008, but this analysis was restricted to participants who were living in mixed-gender marital or nonmarital unions, who were childless in the first year of observation, and who participated in at least two study waves.

In total, this included 4,186 participants and 4,462 relationships. The difference comes from the fact that 260 respondents reported having multiple relationships over the studied period. To avoid bias, the researcher restricted the analysis to one relationship per participant. After further exclusions for missing or inconsistent data, the final number of participants was 4,108. Within the study period, 1,581 respondents became parents, and 2,527 remained childless.

This analysis used data on participants’ relationship satisfaction (“All in all, how satisfied are you with your relationship?”), parental status (i.e., age of the firstborn child), division of household labor (“To what extent do you and your partner share duties in the following [three] domains?”, with domains being housework, shopping, and taking care of children), perceived fairness (“Looking at both housework and paid work: How fair is the division of labor between you and your spouse/partner?”), positive and negative couple behaviors (the Network of Relationships Inventory), health status, and some demographic data.

Results confirmed that relationship satisfaction tended to decline after participants became parents. The decline was somewhat stronger in women than in men. Participants continued to report lower relationship satisfaction levels even 6–13 years after becoming parents, with the decrease being similar in men and women after this period.

Further analyses revealed that the decrease was primarily predicted by increases in negative partner behaviors (i.e., conflict), but also by decreases in positive partner behaviors (specifically, a loss of emotional intimacy and appreciation). Aside from parental status, changes in relationship satisfaction were also predicted by pregnancy status, health status, and, among men only, by marital status. Interestingly, both men and women reported increased relationship satisfaction while the woman was pregnant.

Results also showed that the transition to parenthood was associated with a shift in the division of household labor toward women. In other words, after becoming parents, mothers tended to report performing more than their equal share of household work, while fathers less often reported performing more than their equal share. These changes persisted throughout the early and middle childhood of the firstborn child.

Importantly, however, the study found that this unequal division of chores and resulting feelings of unfairness had a surprisingly small impact on relationship happiness. For men, it had no effect on relationship satisfaction. For women, doing more chores and feeling it was unfair did lower their satisfaction, but it only accounted for about 5.7% of the total drop in their happiness—far less than the impact of increased fighting and reduced emotional connection.

“The results reveal substantial and persistent declines in relationship satisfaction for both new mothers and fathers. Although this finding may not be unexpected, it remains noteworthy in the German context, where extensive financial and institutional support exists to alleviate the burdens of parenthood and where work–family conflict is comparatively low. Given the relatively strong support available to parents in Germany, the declines in relationship satisfaction reported in this study are likely smaller than those that would be observed in countries with lower levels of support,” the study author concluded.

The study contributes to the scientific understanding of how romantic relationships develop after the transition to parenthood. However, it should be noted that the study explored relationship satisfaction in the specific cultural and social context of Germany. Results in other countries and cultures might differ.

The paper “Why Parenthood Strains Relationships: Investigating the Mechanisms Behind Declining Relationship Satisfaction” was authored by Matthias Pollmann-Schult.