Not having children isn’t linked to lower happiness, but having more than you wanted is

A recent study published in the Journal of Personality suggests that having more children than originally desired is consistently linked to lower life satisfaction and emotional well-being. The research provides evidence that adults who are voluntarily or involuntarily childless, or who have fewer children than they hoped for, generally experience similar levels of happiness as those who meet their family size goals. These findings shed light on how personal family goals align with reality and shape psychological health throughout adulthood.

Parenthood is often viewed as a central part of a fulfilling life. In many Western countries, people typically report wanting two or more children. Yet, many individuals never reach this number, and an increasing portion of the population remains entirely without children.

At the same time, recent surveys indicate that a small but notable percentage of parents regret their decision to have children. This suggests that a significant number of people experience a gap between their ideal family size and their actual family size. Scientists refer to this gap as a fertility mismatch.

Laura Buchinger, a senior scientist in developmental psychology at Humboldt University of Berlin, wanted to understand how this mismatch shapes psychological health. “My research focuses on people’s life goals and how they relate to well-being, especially when those goals are not fully achieved,” she said.

“At the same time, research shows that unfulfilled fertility desires and involuntary childlessness can be linked to psychological distress, including depressive symptoms,” Buchinger explained. “Today, many people delay parenthood and some (involuntarily) end up with fewer children than desired or childless.”

Buchinger pointed out that recent studies show between 5 to 15 percent of parents regret their choice to have children. “That’s how I became interested in how the gap between desired and actual family size relates to well-being,” she said.

To explore these ideas, the researchers analyzed survey responses from 23,843 adults living in private households in Germany. The participants ranged in age from 18 to 100 years old. The scientists used data from an extensive annual survey that asks residents about their living situations and personal goals.

The survey asked participants to state the ideal number of children they would like to have if there were no obstacles. The researchers then compared this ideal number to the participants’ actual number of biological children. Based on this comparison, the scientists sorted the participants into five distinct groups.

These groups included fulfilled parents who met their goal, and unfulfilled parents who wanted more children. The groups also included overfulfilled parents who had more children than they initially desired. The final two groups were people who were involuntarily childless, and people who were childfree by choice because they did not want any children.

To measure well-being, the researchers analyzed several different scores. Participants rated their overall life satisfaction, their satisfaction with family life, and their satisfaction with work on a scale from zero to ten. Higher numbers represented greater satisfaction.

The scientists also calculated an emotional balance score. They did this by looking at how often people felt negative emotions, like anger or sadness, and subtracting that from how often they felt positive emotions, like happiness. These emotional frequencies were rated on a simple five-point scale.

The analysis revealed that people who had more children than they desired reported lower well-being across all measured areas. These overfulfilled parents tended to have lower overall life satisfaction, lower family life satisfaction, and poorer emotional balance. This negative association remained even after the researchers accounted for individual differences like income, employment, and relationship status.

Buchinger provided context for the practical significance of these results. “One way to interpret the effect sizes is that they are meaningful but not dramatic in everyday life terms,” she told PsyPost.

“For example, parents who had more children than they ideally wanted reported about a quarter of a standard deviation lower life satisfaction on average,” Buchinger said. “In practical terms, that is roughly comparable to the difference between feeling ‘quite satisfied’ versus slightly less than that.”

Interestingly, the scientists found that people who fell short of their family size goals generally reported similar well-being to parents who met their goals. Involuntary childless individuals, people who were childfree by choice, and parents who wanted more children did not show consistently lower happiness levels.

“A key finding is that, for many younger and middle-aged adults, the number of children they ideally want is higher than the number they actually have,” Buchinger said. “Only among adults aged 75 and older does desired fertility tend to match achieved fertility.”

“Importantly, not having children, whether by choice or circumstance, was not linked to lower well-being (i.e., life satisfaction, satisfaction with family life, work satisfaction, and affective well-being, that is how often people experience positive and negative emotions) once factors like income, employment, and relationship status were taken into account,” Buchinger explained. She added that in some analyses, remaining childless was even associated with slightly higher well-being.

Age played a moderating role in how unfulfilled desires affected happiness. Among younger adults, wanting more children was not linked to lower well-being, likely because they still have time to reach their goals. For older adults who had passed the typical reproductive age, falling short of their desired number of children was linked to lower life satisfaction and poorer emotional balance.

The scientists also expected that religious beliefs, local childcare options, and regional norms would influence how people felt about their family size. The authors gathered information on the regions where the participants lived, including local religious attendance and the availability and quality of nearby childcare facilities. They anticipated that living in a conservative area with strong family expectations would worsen the well-being of those without children.

The data provided almost no evidence for these regional effects. The availability and quality of local childcare also did not significantly alter the relationship between family size mismatch and well-being.

“We expected that contextual factors such as childcare infrastructure, regional norms, or religiosity, might play a role for how a perceived mismatch between desired and actual fertility relates to well-being,” Buchinger said. She hypothesized that in regions with poor childcare infrastructure, people who exceeded their fertility desires might struggle more, while those who fell short might feel better about having fewer children.

“But we did not find this in our data,” she noted. “That was somewhat surprising, given that earlier studies suggest these factors matter. However, this does not mean they are unimportant. It may reflect limitations in how they were measured in our study. More detailed and context-sensitive research is needed to understand their role better.”

The researchers noted some limitations to their work. The study relies on cross-sectional data, meaning the information was collected at a single point in time. This type of survey means the scientists cannot prove cause and effect.

“A key limitation is that the study is cross-sectional, meaning participants were surveyed only once about their fertility desires,” Buchinger explained. “This means we cannot determine the directionality of the effects. Lower well-being might also influence how people perceive or report a mismatch between desired and actual fertility.”

“Additionally, reporting of fertility preferences may have changed across generations as social norms around parenthood have shifted,” Buchinger said. A person struggling with stress might look back and feel they had too many children, while someone who is thriving might idealize their past choices and wish they had more.

The data is also specific to Germany, a country with unique family policies and distinct social expectations regarding parenthood. These findings might not apply to other countries with different economic pressures and cultural environments. Another limitation is that the researchers only analyzed data on biological children, which leaves out the experiences of adoptive parents and stepparents.

Future research should track individuals over long periods of time to see how their goals and happiness change together. By following people as they age, scientists could better understand if personal adjustments help people cope with unmet expectations.

“The next step is to use longitudinal data to better understand how fertility desires and well-being evolve over time,” Buchinger said. “I am currently working on a study that investigates well-being across the transition to menopause. This will help clarify how fertility desires and problems affect changes in well-being across an important developmental deadline.”

She also noted plans to explore other psychological concepts. “More broadly, I also want to expand the focus beyond life satisfaction to include eudaimonic well-being, such as meaning and purpose in life, which has been far less frequently studied in this context,” Buchinger added.

The study, “How a Mismatch Between Actual and Desired Fertility Relates to Well-Being Across Adulthood,” was authored by Laura Buchinger, Michael D. Krämer, Manon A. van Scheppingen, and Denis Gerstorf.