A new study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy has found that men and women tend to approach sex with different emotional needs and relationship strategies in mind. By analyzing how people use sex to manage emotions or strengthen relationships, researchers found that age and sex influence why people have sex and how this relates to emotional self-regulation and their approach to stress within romantic partnerships.
Sexual motivation refers to the underlying reasons someone engages in sexual activity. People may pursue sex for personal enjoyment, to strengthen intimacy, or to ease emotional stress. These motivations can reflect broader emotional or psychological patterns. Past studies suggest that men often report more self-focused reasons, like seeking pleasure or novelty, while women tend to emphasize emotional connection and relationship maintenance.
Emotional regulation, or how people manage their feelings, has also been linked to sexual behavior. Some people turn to sex as a way to cope with negative emotions. Others struggle with managing their emotions, a challenge known as emotion dysregulation, which can influence how and why they pursue sexual encounters.
Relationships, particularly long-term ones, add another layer of complexity. Couples often experience stress together, and how they respond—called dyadic coping—can shape both emotional satisfaction and sexual behavior. Some couples support each other during hard times, while others may withdraw or respond with frustration. Researchers wanted to explore how these coping styles connect to sexual motivation.
Despite growing interest in the emotional side of sexual relationships, few studies have brought together these concepts in a unified way. This new research aimed to fill that gap by examining how emotion regulation and relationship-based coping relate to sexual motivation, and how these patterns differ across age and sex.
“We were interested in understanding how people’s everyday emotional life connects to their sexual motivation,” said study author Norbert Meskó, a professor at the University of Pécs. “Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum — it’s deeply tied to how we manage stress, express emotions, and connect with our partners.”
“Yet, most studies looked at sexual motives without considering these emotional and relational factors. We wanted to fill this gap by asking: How do emotion regulation and couple coping shape what drives us toward sex? And are these patterns the same for men and women, or do they reflect deeper psychological differences between the sexes?”
The researchers conducted two related studies with Hungarian adults, both using online surveys.
Study 1 included 572 cisgender participants and focused on the relationship between sexual motivation and emotion regulation. Participants answered questions measuring their reasons for having sex, including self-focused goals (like pleasure or novelty), relationship-focused motives (like expressing love), and coping-related reasons (such as managing relationship stress). They also completed a standardized questionnaire that assessed six types of emotional difficulties, including emotional awareness, acceptance, clarity, and the ability to manage impulses and stay goal-focused.
The findings from Study 1 suggest that men with more difficulties managing their emotions were more likely to pursue sex for self-centered reasons. Specifically, men who had trouble accepting their emotions, controlling emotional impulses, or identifying effective coping strategies were more likely to engage in sex for personal goals. This pattern was not observed in women.
Relationship-focused sexual motivation showed a different pattern. Older participants tended to report less motivation based on relational reasons, and people who were better at recognizing their emotions were also less likely to report this type of motivation.
Interestingly, some emotional difficulties, such as struggling with impulses or acceptance, were actually linked to higher levels of relationship-focused sexual motivation. This might reflect a desire to seek closeness when emotions feel overwhelming, even when people are not sure how to regulate those feelings effectively.
Coping-related sexual motivation—using sex to deal with emotional distress or relationship tension—did not vary with age, but it did show different patterns by sex. For instance, men were more likely to use sex as a coping tool when they struggled with emotional awareness, while women showed this tendency more when they had trouble accepting their emotions or controlling impulses. These findings point to sex-specific pathways through which emotional struggles influence sexual behavior.
Study 2 involved 466 participants and shifted focus to dyadic coping—how couples manage stress together. Participants answered questions about their own and their partner’s behaviors during stressful times, including positive support, emotional withdrawal, or hostility. They also completed the same sexual motivation questionnaire as in Study 1.
The researchers found that men who reported higher levels of supportive, joint coping behavior with their partner were less likely to pursue sex for self-centered reasons. In other words, when men felt emotionally connected and engaged in shared problem-solving with their partner, their sexual motivation appeared to shift away from individual needs. Women’s self-centered sexual motivation, in contrast, remained relatively stable regardless of coping style.
Relationship-focused sexual motivation was positively linked to supportive dyadic coping behaviors in both men and women, but especially in men. This suggests that when men feel supported by their partner and are actively engaged in relationship-based stress management, they may be more motivated to pursue sex as a way to express emotional closeness.
“We were struck by how consistent the sex differences were,” Meskó told PsyPost. “For women, sexual motives were strongly linked to emotional security and the sense of being supported by their partner. For men, personal goals and performance-related motives played a bigger role. What surprised us most was how stable these patterns remained across different ages — whether participants were in their 20s or 50s, the emotional ‘signature’ of their sexual motivation looked quite similar. It shows that some psychological differences between men and women are remarkably persistent.”
Coping-related sexual motivation showed limited connection to dyadic coping. The only notable pattern was a slight increase in this type of motivation among those who reported more negative or ambivalent coping behaviors, such as reluctance or criticism. This may suggest that in relationships with poor emotional support, sex is sometimes used to manage or deflect stress rather than deepen connection.
Overall, the findings indicate that “the way we handle emotions and support each other in daily life shows up in our sex lives,” Meskó explained. “People who are better at regulating their emotions, or who feel emotionally supported by their partners, are more likely to experience sex as an expression of love, closeness, or intimacy. By contrast, those who struggle to manage emotions often use sex as a way to reduce tension, avoid conflict, or escape negative feelings. For example, one partner might seek sex after an argument to reconnect emotionally, while another might do so mainly to calm down or distract themselves. Our findings suggest that both routes are common — but they stem from very different emotional needs.”
“The effects we found were moderate but meaningful — they reflect everyday differences that shape satisfaction and closeness over time. A small shift in how partners handle stress or emotions can have a noticeable impact on their sexual connection. For instance, learning to comfort each other after a stressful day or resolving conflicts more calmly might not just reduce tension — it could also make sex feel more emotionally rewarding. These are not abstract, ‘statistical’ effects; they describe real patterns people can feel in their relationships.”
As with all research, there are some limitations. First, the study relied on self-reported questionnaires, which assume people are fully aware of their sexual motives and emotional habits. There is a risk that participants answered in ways they believed were socially acceptable rather than completely honest.
Second, the researchers did not collect information on sexual orientation, which limits how broadly the findings can be applied. Additionally, because the study was cross-sectional—meaning data were collected at a single point in time—it cannot show how motivations or emotional skills change as people grow older. The fact that most participants were in long-term relationships may also have influenced the findings, particularly regarding self-centered sexual motivation, which is more common in casual sexual contexts.
To address these limitations, the researchers hope to conduct future studies in other cultural settings. Since norms around emotional expression and sexual behavior vary across societies, it is not clear whether the patterns found in Hungarian adults will hold in other countries. Cross-cultural comparisons could help determine whether the links between sexual motivation, emotional regulation, and relationship dynamics are universal or shaped by specific cultural values.
“Our next step is to explore how these patterns vary across cultures,” Meskó said. “Emotional expression, intimacy norms, and sexual communication differ greatly between societies — what counts as ‘supportive’ or ’emotionally close’ in one culture may look quite different in another. We want to understand whether the links we found between emotion regulation, dyadic coping, and sexual motivation hold in other countries, or whether cultural expectations shape them in unique ways. Mapping these cross-cultural patterns could reveal how universal or culture-bound the emotional side of sexuality truly is.”
“It’s important to stress that our findings don’t mean one approach is better or more ‘healthy’ than the other,” he added. “Men and women often pursue similar sexual behaviors, but the reasons behind those behaviors can differ. Understanding this is key to empathy in relationships — when partners realize they might be ‘speaking different emotional languages’ through sex, it can reduce frustration and improve communication. We also emphasize that these are general patterns, not rigid categories; individual differences are just as meaningful as gender differences.”
The study, “Sex- and Age-Specific Patterns of Sexual Motivation in Relation to Emotion Regulation and Dyadic Coping,” was authored by Norbert Meskó, Ádám Putz, and Ferenc Kocsor.
