Women’s reactions to an unfaithful partner may depend on a mixture of personality traits, attachment styles, and past relationship experiences. Research investigating these personal characteristics suggests that specific behavioral tendencies are linked to whether someone might forgive a cheating partner or stay in the relationship. The findings were published in The Journal of Psychology.
When a romantic partner forms a secretive sexual or emotional connection with someone else, the betrayed partner often experiences immense distress. Infidelity is one of the most common reasons couples break up or divorce. For the partners who are cheated on, the discovery of deceit can severely impact their mental health.
Women in heterosexual relationships are statistically more likely to experience a partner’s extradyadic affair. The aftermath of this deception can lead to episodes of major depression, anxiety, and a sharp decline in overall psychological well-being. Even if the couple decides to stay together, the betrayed person remains highly susceptible to enduring emotional pain.
Researchers wanted to understand which personal characteristics might identify who is most vulnerable to these negative outcomes and who might be inclined to forgive. Lead author Grace White, a psychologist at the University of Central Florida, along with Alejandra Medina Fernandez and Adrianna J. Valencia, designed a study to explore this dynamic. They investigated women’s actual and anticipated responses to betrayal in romantic relationships.
To build their behavioral profile, the researchers relied on several established psychological concepts. The first is the five-factor model of personality, which groups human behavior into five main traits. Extraversion describes an outgoing and highly social nature. Neuroticism involves a tendency toward negative emotions like anxiety or mood swings. Agreeableness reflects a person’s cooperative and compassionate tendencies. Conscientiousness relates to organization and dependability, while openness involves a preference for novelty and creativity.
The research team also looked at adult attachment styles. According to attachment theory, the bonds formed in early childhood influence how adults relate to their romantic partners. Insecure attachment comes in a few forms. Anxious attachment involves a constant worry about rejection and a fear that a partner does not truly reciprocate love. Dependent attachment describes how much a person relies on others and believes those people will be there for them. A person with a highly dependent attachment style might go to great lengths to preserve a relationship so they do not lose their source of support.
Self-esteem and commitment were the final two variables examined in the research. Self-esteem represents an individual’s overall sense of self-worth and self-acceptance. People with low self-esteem might rely on external validation and blame themselves when a partner cheats. Commitment involves the conscious intention to stay in a relationship, acting as a protective barrier against breaking up.
To test how these traits interact with infidelity, the researchers surveyed 400 women. The participants were 22 years old on average. The vast majority of the women were in a dating relationship, while a smaller fraction were either engaged or married.
The participants answered extensive questionnaires designed to measure their personality traits, attachment styles, self-esteem, and level of commitment to their relationships. They were also asked if they had ever experienced a partner cheating on them in a current or past relationship. If they had, they were prompted to disclose whether they continued the relationship after the infidelity was discovered.
To measure predicted reactions to cheating, the researchers presented the women with two hypothetical scenarios. First, the women were asked to imagine their partner becoming emotionally involved with someone else, without any sexual contact. Later, they were asked to imagine their partner having casual sexual intercourse with someone else, without any emotional involvement. For each scenario, the women rated how likely they were to forgive the betrayal and how likely they were to stay with their partner.
Due to incomplete responses on some surveys, the researchers excluded 73 participants from the final analysis. This left a sample of 327 women. The researchers then used statistical modeling to look for associations between the participants’ personal traits and their relationship decisions.
Nearly half of the women in the study reported experiencing a partner’s infidelity in a past or current relationship. Of those who had been cheated on, about 43 percent managed to stay in the relationship after the discovery. When the researchers attempted to link the women’s personality traits and attachment styles to their actual decisions to stay with a cheating partner, the results were not statistically significant. The predictive models could not accurately determine who stayed based on their personal traits, likely because the subset of women who actually experienced cheating and stayed was relatively small.
The data surrounding the hypothetical scenarios revealed distinct, albeit modest, associations. Overall, the women overwhelmingly disagreed that they would forgive either type of infidelity or stay with their partner. Even with this baseline of widespread disapproval, slight variations emerged based on the women’s individual profiles.
Highly extraverted women showed less willingness to stay in a relationship after a hypothetical emotional affair. The researchers suggest that extraversion is robustly linked to socializing and seeking new connections. Because of this, outgoing individuals might feel more confident in their ability to leave an unfaithful partner and eventually find someone new.
Attachment styles also played a measurable role. Women who scored high in dependent attachment reported a slightly higher likelihood of forgiving an imagined sexual infidelity. These same women also reported an increased willingness to stay in the relationship after an emotional affair. This aligns with psychological theories suggesting that dependent individuals may tolerate unhealthy behaviors to maintain a close bond.
Conversely, anxious attachment was linked to different emotional responses. Participants with lower levels of anxious attachment were slightly more inclined to forgive an imagined emotional infidelity. Women with lower self-esteem also reported a slightly higher likelihood of forgiving an imagined emotional affair, potentially because individuals lacking self-worth are more prone to accepting the blame for their partner’s actions.
Past relationship experiences shaped the women’s expectations of their own future behavior. Women who had been cheated on in real life predicted a slightly higher likelihood of forgiving and staying after a hypothetical sexual infidelity compared to women who had never been cheated on. Because 43 percent of the betrayed women in this sample actually stayed with their partners, their hypothetical predictions mirrored their lived reality.
When comparing the two types of hypothetical affairs, the researchers noticed a small difference. The participants indicated they were slightly more willing to forgive an emotional affair than a sexual affair. The women largely found both scenarios inexcusable, but the thought of a physical transgression elicited a slightly harsher predicted penalty.
The researchers advise interpreting these discoveries cautiously. The statistical effect sizes detected in the models were quite small, meaning that personality and attachment only explain a minor portion of a person’s reaction to infidelity. As highlighted by the researchers regarding a quote from a previous methodological paper in the field: “no effect can be classified as small or large without taking its contextual factors into account.” Human relationships involve countless variables, and no single trait can predict behavior with absolute certainty.
The study’s demographic makeup also places limits on the conclusions. The participants were predominantly young, white, and unmarried. Reactions to infidelity might differ greatly among older populations, married couples with children, or individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds. Men might also process betrayal through entirely different psychological mechanisms.
Understanding how broad personal characteristics influence a person’s willingness to forgive can help mental health professionals tailor their treatments. While some people immediately terminate a relationship after a betrayal, others attempt reconciliation. Recognizing the underlying traits that drive these choices is an important step forward in aiding recovery from romantic deception.
The study, “Finding Forgiveness: Links Between Personality, Self-Esteem, Attachment, and Commitment on Women’s Actual and Anticipated Reactions to Infidelity,” was authored by Grace White, Alejandra Medina Fernandez, and Adrianna J. Valencia.
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