What science says about masturbation and long-distance relationships

A new review published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine provides evidence that masturbation serves as a complex psychological and sexual coping strategy for people separated from their romantic partners. The research suggests that while solitary sexual activity can help manage stress and maintain intimacy during physical separation, its effects on relationship satisfaction depend heavily on a person’s cultural background, gender, and frequency of practice.

Romantic relationships where partners live far apart often limit opportunities for face-to-face physical intimacy. Because of this separation, individuals frequently seek alternative ways to manage their sexual desires and maintain an emotional connection with their partners. Masturbation is a common alternative, but its specific psychological and relational effects remain somewhat misunderstood.

“Long-distance relationships are increasingly common, particularly among students, migrant workers, healthcare professionals, and couples separated by work or educational demands,” said study author Cennikon Pakpahan, an assistant professor of andrology and sexology at Universitas Airlangga in Indonesia and a doctoral candidate at the Universitat de Barcelona in Spain. “However, discussions about sexuality in long-distance relationships often focus primarily on communication technology or relationship satisfaction, while solitary sexual behaviors such as masturbation remain relatively understudied and frequently stigmatized.”

The authors noted that previous research had not adequately examined how this behavior functions specifically within the context of separated couples. Most prior studies simply described masturbation rates without looking at how the behavior influences the emotional health of the relationship. The authors recognized a need to explore whether this practice actually helps or hurts a couple’s bond.

“We became interested in exploring whether masturbation in this context functions merely as a substitute for partnered sex, or whether it may also serve broader psychological and relational roles, such as coping with loneliness, stress, emotional separation, and unmet intimacy needs,” Pakpahan said.

To answer these questions, the researchers performed a systematic review of existing scientific literature. A systematic review is a rigorous type of study that collects and analyzes all available research on a specific topic to find consistent patterns. The team searched twelve major academic databases, looking for articles published in either English or Indonesian.

They selected fourteen eligible studies for their final analysis, which together included approximately 9000 participants. These participants were adults aged eighteen and older who were experiencing physical separation from their partners. Some individuals were in traditional long-distance relationships, while others were separated due to pandemic-related quarantine restrictions.

The pandemic restrictions effectively forced many cohabiting couples into situations that mirrored long-distance relationships. Because partners could not physically interact due to social distancing rules, these individuals experienced a sudden loss of partnered intimacy. This unique historical event provided researchers with an abundance of data regarding how humans adapt sexually to forced isolation.

The included studies utilized various research designs, including quantitative surveys, qualitative interviews, and mixed-methods approaches. Quantitative studies rely on numerical data and statistics, while qualitative studies use open-ended questions to explore personal experiences in depth. The researchers extracted detailed information from each paper, including participant age, relationship status, masturbation frequency, and measured outcomes regarding emotional health.

The measures used across these fourteen studies varied significantly. Many researchers utilized online self-report questionnaires where participants rated their behaviors and feelings on numbered scales. Other studies employed in-depth qualitative interviews to gather detailed personal narratives. The scientists then analyzed these diverse data points to identify recurring themes and associations.

“One thing that surprised us was how limited and fragmented the literature still is, despite the growing prevalence of long-distance relationships worldwide,” Pakpahan told PsyPost. “We also found that masturbation is often discussed in either highly biological or highly moralized ways, whereas many studies suggested that it may also have important emotional, relational, and adaptive dimensions.”

The analysis revealed distinct gender differences regarding the frequency and motivation of the practice. Men consistently reported higher frequencies of masturbation compared to women, a trend that became even more pronounced during periods of physical separation. Men indicated that they primarily engaged in the behavior for biological release, reaching orgasm, and reducing physical tension.

For many men, this solitary activity was often accompanied by the use of visual stimulation, such as pornography. Women, on the other hand, reported a broader and more emotionally driven set of motivations. Women indicated that they used masturbation for relaxation, improving sleep quality, relieving emotional stress, and feeling a sense of closeness to their distant partners.

“Our findings suggest that masturbation in long-distance relationships is not simply about replacing partnered sex,” Pakpahan said. “For many individuals, it may function as a coping and adaptive strategy that helps manage sexual needs, emotional stress, loneliness, and prolonged physical separation.”

The review provides evidence that the relationship between masturbation and sexual satisfaction is highly varied. When practiced moderately, the behavior tends to correlate with positive outcomes like better body awareness, higher sexual self-esteem, and improved relationship harmony. Some couples even used technology, such as video calls, to engage in mutual masturbation, which helped them sustain emotional intimacy.

The data suggests that excessive solitary masturbation does not yield the same positive results. In several of the analyzed studies, individuals who engaged in the behavior daily or multiple times a day reported lower overall sexual satisfaction. This high frequency of solitary activity was associated with reduced physical arousal when the individual was eventually reunited with their partner.

“At the same time, its impact appears highly context-dependent,” Pakpahan noted. “Factors such as relationship quality, communication, personal beliefs, cultural values, and frequency of engagement may influence whether masturbation is experienced as supportive, neutral, or potentially distressing within a relationship.”

The researchers also found significant differences based on cultural geography. “Another interesting finding was the contrast between cultural contexts,” Pakpahan said. “In many Western studies, masturbation was more commonly framed as a relatively neutral or adaptive sexual behavior, whereas in several Eastern contexts it was more strongly associated with guilt, stigma, religious norms, or concerns about relationship harmony.”

In Western countries, such as the United States, Spain, and Germany, masturbation was generally viewed as a socially adaptive and culturally evolving behavior. Participants in these regions tended to frame the practice as a healthy expression of personal autonomy and a practical way to cope with distance.

In Eastern countries, such as Malaysia and Indonesia, the practice was heavily influenced by religious and sociocultural norms. In these regions, strict moral frameworks and collectivist values prioritize marital fidelity and modesty. Collectivist values emphasize the needs and goals of the group or family over the individual desires of a single person.

Because of these cultural frameworks, solitary masturbation was often associated with feelings of guilt, shame, and moral tension. In these Eastern contexts, individuals often viewed mutual masturbation within a marriage as an acceptable way to prevent infidelity. However, engaging in the practice alone sometimes caused internal conflict and emotional strain due to religious doctrines.

While the review provides detailed insights, the authors noted some limitations in the available research. “Most available studies were cross-sectional and relied on self-reported data, which limits causal interpretation,” Pakpahan said. “In addition, many studies involved specific populations such as young adults or online survey participants, so the findings may not apply equally to all couples or age groups.”

Because the data is cross-sectional, it is impossible to say with certainty whether excessive masturbation causes psychological distress or if distressed individuals simply masturbate more often. Another limitation involves the way the data was collected. The reliance on self-reported questionnaires can lead to inaccuracies if participants feel embarrassed and underreport their actual behaviors.

The authors also pointed out a lack of diversity regarding sexual orientation in the current literature. Most of the data centered on heterosexual couples, leaving a gap in understanding how sexual minority populations navigate long-distance intimacy. The researchers suggest that future studies should explicitly investigate how different sexual orientations influence these relational dynamics.

“Importantly, our review does not suggest that masturbation universally improves or harms relationships,” Pakpahan said. “Its meaning and effects appear to depend heavily on broader relational, psychological, and sociocultural contexts.”

“It is also important to recognize that sexual behaviors are shaped by personal values, cultural backgrounds, and religious beliefs,” Pakpahan continued. “For some individuals, masturbation may function as a healthy coping or adaptive strategy, while for others it may conflict with deeply held moral or spiritual values.”

When this internal conflict leads to persistent guilt, shame, or psychological distress, it may negatively affect emotional well-being rather than support it. “Because of this, discussions about sexuality should remain sensitive to individual context rather than assuming a single universal perspective,” Pakpahan added.

Future research would benefit from using a wider variety of measurement tools. The scientists recommend incorporating longitudinal studies that track couples over extended periods of separation. They also suggest using objective behavioral measures, like digital tracking or hormonal indicators, to complement self-reported surveys.

“We are interested in exploring how sexual coping strategies and intimacy adaptation operate across different relationship and life contexts, including long-distance relationships, infertility, aging couples, and major health transitions,” Pakpahan said. “More broadly, we hope to contribute to a more holistic understanding of sexuality that integrates biological, psychological, relational, and sociocultural perspectives.”

The study, “Masturbation as a sexual and psychological coping strategy in long-distance relationships: a systematic review,” was authored by Nur H. S. Kusuma, Dicky F. Irnandi, Cennikon Pakpahan, and Thi Tu An Nguyen.